With You
by LunaJay07
Summary: A/U. What happens when Carlos' soul mate is torn away from him by a tragedy that he himself had foreseen? Can Logan fill the void in his best friend's heart or will it be too much for Carlos to handle? Slash. Jarlos/Cargan
1. Lost Love

**With You**

**Pairing:** Jarlos/Cargan  
**Rating:** M  
**Warning:** Swearing, slash, sexual content, character death, depression  
**Summary:** A/U. Boys are not famous. What happens when Carlos' perfect life is torn in half by a tragedy that he himself had foreseen? Can Logan fill the void in his best friend's heart or will it be too much for Carlos to handle?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any members of Big Time Rush.

**Author Note:** Scenes written in _italics_ are _flashbacks_. The story is already written so updates shouldn't take forever.

**The Dream:**

"No, no, you can't. No, No!"

Carlos awoke abruptly, sitting up straight, panting heavily as his heart pounded against his bare chest. Sweat and tears mingled together as they poured down his reddened cheeks from his glazed chocolate eyes. His hair was sodden from perspiration as the nightmare played over and over in his mind.

"Carlos?" a frightened voice filled the silent dark room as a second figure sat up beside him, wrapping his arms around him tightly and pulling him to his chest.

Carlos relaxed instantly as the sound of a familiar heartbeat boomed loudly from his lover's chest where he pressed his ear and let his sobs take over.

"Shhh, baby, it's alright. Everything's ok, I'm here," his best friend whispered soothing words into the man's ear. He waited a moment for his lover to calm down before speaking again, "Talk to me, Carlos. Tell me what's wrong."

Carlos sniffed before hugging his best friend as close to him as possible, "It was awful James," he managed through sobs.

"What was, Carlos? You can tell me," James urged him to continue. "You know you can tell me anything," the brunette held him closer as he stroked his sodden locks waiting for him to tell him what had frightened the poor boy.

"The- the -it- and you- you were," Carlos stuttered trying to retell the dream, but it was just too horrific to put into words, finally getting up enough courage, Carlos let it out in a painful shriek, " You left me, James! You left me! And I was all alone," he sobbed even harder into his lover's chest.

"Shhh, Carlos. It's alright. I'm right here. You know I would never leave you. You are my everything, baby. I love you."

"But it was the- and you- oh, James," Carlos sniffed again as he tried to explain in further detail. "I know you would never want to leave me, but you didn't have a choice. The - and it- and you- you-" Carlos sobbed again, unable to finish.

"Carlos, it was just a nightmare. You know stuff like that rarely happens," James tried to reassure him. "You're probably just nervous about me going alone. This is going to be my first big trip without you tagging along. You know I would do anything to bring you with me."

"James, please. Please don't leave tomorrow. I know it was just a dream, but I just have this bad feeling and-"

"Shhh… Carlos, please. You know I have to go. I need this trip to get the job. It's only a few days."

"But, James, I just know that-"

"Come on, baby. It's late," James cut him off as he glanced at the nearby clock on the nightstand. "We'll talk about this in the morning, alright? I'm not leaving for a few days. Alright?"

Carlos nodded before pushing himself up off of his best friend. He waited for a moment as James laid back down and snuggled into a comfortable position before holding out his arms. Carlos fell into them, resting his head against his chest once more as James kissed his head.

"I love you Carlos and I promise, I would walk to the end of the Earth and back if I had to just to be with you," he whispered into his lover's ear. "I will always be here."

**Chapter 1: A Love Lost**

"Hey, Carlos," Logan smiled the best he could as he walked into the master bedroom of the newly bought Victorian house. "Sleep well?" he asked.

Carlos said nothing.

"I brought you some breakfast. Are you hungry?" he asked holding up a tray of Cocoa Puffs, a jellied English muffin and an Orange Juice.

Carlos lied still.

"Carlos, please. You need to eat something. You haven't eaten in two days! What about a corn dog? Do you want a corn dog?"

Carlos didn't hear him.

"Are you even listening to me?" Logan asked getting frustrated now. "Carlos!"

The poor boy lay still, silent and deaf to the world around him other than the news report that had been playing on CNN for two days straight.

For two days straight, Carlos had lied on the bed, in the same position he was in now: both arms wrapped firmly around the same pillow, his eyes fixed upon the flat screen. His eyes were red, puffy and dry. His cheeks were stained and his lips tasted of salt from the tears that had fallen and he still wore the same old black wife-beater with grey sweats that he had been wearing when he received the news.

Logan looked to the Television. It was on silent, but the same videos that had been playing over and over again in his mind, were still there to see. His stomach lurched just watching. Waiting.

James had been his best friend too, but to Carlos, he was so much more. They were best friends, lovers and soul mates. Destined to be together forever. At least that was the plan.

Though he would never admit it, Logan was jealous of them. Of him. It wasn't fair that he got to be the one who took care of him, who loved him and that he had loved back. He had always secretly wished that some miracle would occur, and they would be torn apart, but not like this.

This was heartbreaking. Not just for Carlos, but him too. It wasn't easy to watch his best friend, his secret desire, as the news was reported. One moment they were laughing about one thing and the next, Carlos was in his arms. Crying. His heart broken into a million pieces.

"Baby, please. Eat something." Logan pleaded, laying on the bed behind his best friend, propped up on an elbow to enable him to look down at the angel before him.

"Don't call me that," he finally spoke, his voice low, hoarse and cracked. "He called me that," Carlos sputtered as his body began to shake once more, his tears rushed down his cheeks like a river breaking through a damn and memories of the previous week came flooding back.

_"James, please, you can't!" Carlos pleaded with his lover, tears pouring down his cheeks. It was the night after he had had that awful dream and James was packing for his business trip to Europe. Carlos sat on the bed dressed for slumber in his boyfriend's favorite ratty old wife-beater and a pair of flannel pants, refusing to help with the preparations of the business trip._

_"Baby, please, we discussed this. I need this trip. We need this trip."_

_"No we don't, James. All I need is you. We don't need all that money. We're doing fine on our own."_

_"Look, Carlos, I promised you the perfect life and a perfect life is what you are going to get. Now I'm going and that's final."_

_"James, please, listen to me. The plane-"_

_"Is going to be just fine. You're just being paranoid. I'm going to be fine."_

_"Please, don't leave me, James," Carlos continued to plead through the haze of his tears as he sat against the headboard of their bed, his arms wrapped firmly around his boyfriend's pillow._

_"I'll be back in four days. Besides, Logan's coming to town to stay with you. You haven't seen him since he went off to medical school. You two bond and have a great time and I'll be back before you know it."_

_"No you won't," Carlos mumbled to himself as a fresh stream of tears filled his eyes once more. _

_James continued to pack in silence as he ran around the room one last time to be sure that he had packed everything he needed. When he was sure he was finished, he closed his suitcase and set it down beside the dresser along with his brief case where he could easily access it early in the morning when he left for his flight. _

_After removing his work clothes and dressing for the night, James retrieved something from his brief case before crawling into bed beside his lover._

_"I got you something," he smiled handing Carlos a small stack of papers._

_"What's this?" Carlos asked taking the papers from him and looking through it._

_"Our dream home," James smirked._

_"You mean the old Victorian on the edge of town?" Carlos asked as he recognized the house that they had been longing for since the owner had died two years ago and the family moved away and decided to sell it._

_"That's the one," James smiled. "With the raise I'll be getting from this modeling job, we were finally able to afford it. I've already talked to Logan and he agreed to help you move everything in while I'm gone. Kendall's going to try to stop by and help out too."_

_Carlos sighed handing the paper back to James, "I don't want it," he grumbled._

_"Baby?"_

_"If that's the only reason you want this job, then I don't want it."_

_"But Baby, you've been dreaming about that house forever."_

_"Well, then I'll go back to work. With our paychecks combined we'll be able to afford it."_

_"Baby, no! We both agreed that you were going back to school so you can open up that store you've always wanted, besides you hated your job."_

_"I don't care. James, please it's this feeling-"_

_"Feeling Carlos! That's it! It's just a feeling! You're not a god damn fortune teller! It was just a dream," James raised his voice unintentionally. After an entire day of listening about the dream, James had finally had it. He snapped. Causing new tears to spring forth into Carlos' tired, swollen eyes. "Carlos, awe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell," James quickly changed his tone as he saw the affect it took._

_Angered by the outburst, Carlos rolled over to his side, his back to his lover, and cried silently to himself. Ignoring the pleads of forgiveness from his best friend. _

_All he wanted was for James to be safe. He knew that the dream was just a dream, but he still couldn't get the thought of something happening to him out of his mind. He just wished he could get James to see it. There was just something about it that felt so real._

"I never got to say goodbye," Carlos hiccupped through his tears.

"I know, buddy. I'm sorry," Logan whispered, taking him into his arms, letting him cry himself to sleep once more, while Logan himself shed silent tears.

**Author Notes:** Thoughts? Should I continue?


	2. Second Best

**Author Note:** So happy to hear there is some interest in this. Here's the second chapter. Please tell me what you think! :)

**Chapter 2: Second Best**

_Carlos awoke the next morning with a horrible headache. He had cried himself to sleep and his eyes were burning with dryness after shedding every last tear the previous night. Though it pained him to do so, he carefully opened his eyes only to squeeze them shut once more as they were met with the bright sunlight that shone through the billowing curtains that fluttered with the warm morning breeze. Birds could be heard chirping a merry tune outside the window of the apartment, encouraging the world to wake to this beautiful spring day. _

_No matter how beautiful it was out there, it seemed to Carlos that a dark cloud was hovering over him. The sun was up, which meant that it was some time after seven, which also meant that James was long gone by now. Flying high in the sky. Probably halfway over the Atlantic by now while Carlos was left here, alone, pleading for his safe return._

_With his eyes still clamped shut, Carlos rolled over only to feel that he was not alone in the bed. His day brightened right there. James never left. Snuggling into his best friend, he wrapped his arms around him and snuggled into his side._

_"You're here!" he whispered excitedly as he felt roommate stir. His best friend grunted happily before wrapping his own arms around his little buddy._

_"Good to see you too, Carlos."_

_At the sound of his voice, Carlos' eyes popped open. Looking up he came face to face with chocolate eyes, shining happily back at him._

_"Logan? When did you get here?" he asked as he saw that this wasn't James' shinning hazel eyes, but their childhood best friend Logan instead._

_"Right before James left. He didn't want to wake you, but he said he will call as soon as the plane lands."_

_Carlos nodded in disappointment. _

_"Hope you don't mind me joining you. James said the pull out couch was broken and since this was the only bed, I thought you wouldn't mind if I crashed for a few hours. The drive here was exhausting," he yawned as if to prove his point._

_"Naw, it's alright," Carlos forced a smile. "Besides, I missed you," he added a smile as he snuggled back into his friends arms like they had done when they were younger and it was the three of them and their fourth musketeer, Kendall who was off playing hockey for the Minnesota Wilds. _

_"I missed you guys, too, Carlos."_

_The two best friends fell asleep for a few more hours before each finally made their way out of bed. Logan headed for the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast, allowing Carlos time to shower and get dressed. _

_"You ready to start packing?" Logan asked, smiling across the table as he watched Carlos finish up his eggs and toast. "Kendall should be here anytime now to help us start moving."_

_"I'm kind of going to miss this place," the younger boys sighed looking around the small apartment. "I've been here since I was sixteen after Dad kicked me out. James had called it our little mansion."_

_"Well this new place must be a palace then," Logan chuckled looking at the pictures of the newly purchased home that were lying out on the kitchen table. _

_"I know. It is a bit big," Carlos shrugged, sipping his orange juice. "We really don't need a place like that."_

_"I thought this was your dream home?"_

_"It is, but- we sort of got into a fight before he left."_

_"Oh? What about?" _

_"Well I had this dream and I was worried about him leaving for this trip and I asked him not to go, but he refused to stay and said he had to leave so that he could buy the house for me and I told him I didn't want the place or for him to get the job. I just wanted him to stay here. Where he's safe," Carlos sighed. "Am I being selfish?"_

_Logan took a breath, "He really works hard to take care of you. Everything he does, he does it for you. All those long hours and business trips. He said this trip was going to change that. That he would get to spend more time with you and that you could go back to school and get your diploma."_

_"I know, it's just- I can't get that damn dream out of my head."_

_"He's going to be fine, Carlos, don't worry. You and I both know he would do anything to be here with you right now, but he's not, so you're stuck with me!" Logan smirked. _

_"You're right. I am stuck with you," Carlos teased, throwing a dishtowel at his best friend as he rinsed off his breakfast dish before walking out of the kitchen._

_"Yea, I know. I'm just second best," Logan mumbled to himself. Deep down he truly longed to be simply the best in Carlos' eyes, but he couldn't. Those eyes were saved for James. _

_"Good morning Homo family!" a voice rang out through the tiny apartment before a tall blond strutted in through the front door. _

_"Kendall!" Carlos exclaimed as he ran out of the bedroom and threw himself into the blonde's awaiting arms. Kendall picked him up off the ground and swung him in the air before putting him back onto his feet. _

_"Logan?" the new arrival questioned turning towards the brunette with open arms, "You know you missed me."_

_"Are you sure about that?" Logan raised an eyebrow teasingly._

_"Logie bear!"_

_"Awe, fine," Logan smiled giving in as he let the hockey player wrap him in a bear hug, the Latino calling out for a 'chum hug' before joining in as well._

_"I get my own room at this new crib right?" Kendall beamed._

_"Of course, you both do!" Carlos bounced up and down excitedly as he pulled his friend over to the table to show off the papers that were laying around. "You're going to love it. I can't wait to get it all set up for when James get back."_

Logan sat back in the armchair, his elbow propped up on the arm while he rested his head in his hand. He was exhausted. Drained. He barely slept in almost five nights now. It seemed that every time he would close his eyes to get even the littlest of sleep, he would be awaken by a sob, a sniffle, or shriek from his little friend. Carlos had yet to leave the room. The only time he even bothered to get out of bed was when he could no longer hold in his urges to use the bathroom, but as soon as he finished, he returned to the bed.

Logan had to force him to eat. Force him to drink. Force him to shower and at times, force him to turn off the television when the footage on the news became too much for him. The only thing he didn't have to force him to do was sleep. His tears took care of that. It seemed like every time Carlos was finally starting to get better, something would happen, and his tears would flow until he was sound asleep in Logan's arms, his own arms wrapped firmly around the same pillow that James had once laid his head upon.

Logan was torn from his train of thought at the sound of the phone. He dreaded answering it every time, but he knew it was necessary. They were still in the dark. The news had reported no survivors, but they had yet to receive the horrible news in person. So far only a phone call from the airline informing them of the accident. They were to call when the searching had seized and all the passengers were accounted for, dead or alive, but they had yet to receive the second call.

Although Logan dreaded the call, he needed to receive it. He needed to know the truth. He needed to hear someone say it out loud. He needed to hear James being addressed as an individual and not as a passenger. He needed to answer the phone.

"Hello?" he gulped as he held the phone to his ear.

"Logan?"

"Kendall!" Logan answered back excitedly, overjoyed to hear the voice of their fourth musketeer. "What are you doing calling? Shouldn't you be on the ice?"

"I just wanted to check up on you guys? How's Carlos? Is he holding up alright? How are you doing? I should be there with you guys. This is ridiculous, I'm just a plane ride away, Jo and I can easily-"

Logan swallowed hard at the mention of the plane, "Kendall, relax. I can handle it. I promise if I need help, you will be the first person I call."

"Logan we're a team, remember? We promised that if any of us ever needed help that we would be there for each other."

"And we are, but you have another team to worry about too, now. I have this under control. You do what you need to do there and I'll take care of him."

"You don't have to do this on your own."

"I know I don't have to. I want to."

It was quiet for a moment on the other end until Kendall finally spoke, "Logan, what about Brooke? Someone should tell her."

Logan groaned, pinching the end of his nose. Kendall was right. Even after everything Brooke had done to James and Carlos when they were only sixteen, she was still his mother. She had a right to know, "Would you-" he didn't have to finish.

"Yea, I'll talk to her."

Kendall was always the leader of the group. He was the stronger out of the four of them. He had a way with words. If anyone could handle a situation like this, it was him.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" Logan could hear the real question hidden beneath. Kendall was the only one who knew about Logan's true feelings for the Latino.

"I can do this Kendall. I need to do this."

"I know you can," Logan could tell by the sound of his voice that Kendall was smiling. "Where is he? Can I talk to him?"

Logan looked across the room at his best friend's sleeping form, "He's sleeping. He was crying all night again."

Kendall sighed as a loud bustle of noise rose up from behind him, "Look I got to go. Practice is starting. Tell him I love him and miss him. I'll come visit as soon as I can and if you need anything. Anything at all, don't hesitate to call! Promise?"

"Will do, Kendall and we love you too!"

Before Logan could say more, the line went dead. He shook his head as he threw the phone onto the dresser beside him before resting his head into his hands.

"Logan?" a small hoarse voice called out from underneath the blankets before Carlos appeared. His eyes were swollen and red with tear tracks stained on his cheeks.

"Yea Carlos?" Logan rushed to his side sitting beside him on the bed.

"Who was on the phone? Was it James?"

Logan frowned at his tired and confused best friend as he looked down at the blankets, "It was Kendall. He had some time before practice and wanted to call and say hi and that he loved us. He wanted to talk to you, but you were sleeping."

"Oh," Carlos said disappointed before falling back into the blankets, "Well let me know when James calls. Alright?"

Logan just nodded, stroking his best friend's side. This was worst than he thought.

Carlos was in denial!


	3. Past is Past

**Author Note:** Thank you guys so much for reading and for the great reviews. I'm so glad that you are enjoying it even though it's a bit of a tear jerker at times. This chapter is to give you guys a bit of background story of what happened to James and Carlos. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Past is Past**

Logan awoke early the next morning feeling refreshed. It was the first night since the incident that he was able to get a full night sleep. Carlos didn't once toss, turn, shriek, or cry out from his dreams and for this, Logan was grateful.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes as the fresh smell of coffee filtered through his nostrils. Logan inhaled a deep breath, sighing contently as he recognized his favorite blend. Following the sweet aroma he found a steaming cup of Starbucks coffee sitting on the nightstand beside him. He grabbed the beverage with both hands and allowed himself to breath in the sweet scent before taking a cautious sip. It wasn't until he placed it back down onto the nightstand that he noticed the writing engraved on the Styrofoam cup.

"Morning Sunshine," Logan smiled as he read the little note. It was only then that he realized not just the sound of running water, but his ears perked up as the sweetest sound of his favorite voice filtered through the bathroom door from just across the room.

"My Carlos is back," he said to himself as he sat back against the headboard, closing his eyes while he enjoyed listening to his best friend sing _Anywhere For You_, from the Backstreet Boys.

It had been way too long since he heard his best friend's amazing voice. He could only remember the times, years ago when the four of them played peewee hockey together. They were an unbreakable force. As long as they were together on the ice, nothing could defeat them.

One day when they were thirteen, right before the championship game, the kid who always sang the national anthem fell ill and was unable to perform. James, who always dreamt of being of pop star, begged the announcer asking if he could be the one to take over. The announcer had agreed, but right before he was about to go on, he had frozen in place, overcome by stage freight. Of course, Carlos jumped to his rescue, pulling Kendall and Logan onto the stage as well. Once again the four musketeers were unstoppable. They had brought to the audience to their feet with their raw talent and natural harmonies. But for Logan, that was the moment he had first heard Carlos' voice.

Though he was the smallest, his voice was the strongest of the group and the most beautiful sound that Logan, had ever heard. It was this voice that had first attracted Logan to his best friend all those years ago.

Now it had been six years since the last time he heard his voice. Six years since Carlos was part of their hockey team. Six years since their families had found out about their relationship. Six years since both boys had been home to Minnesota.

He remembered that day as if it were yesterday…

_It was a cold rainy Saturday afternoon in early October. Like every Saturday, Logan had made the twenty-minute drive from his University to meet his team for their weekly game. Being the genius he was, he graduated two years earlier than his friends and went off to pre-med school, but managed to make the journey home twice a week for hockey practice and every weekend for the games. _

_Normally the four best friends would all go out to lunch afterwards since Logan had to return back to campus either to work in the afternoon or for some paper due, but today he had managed to switch shifts with a friend of his and spent the previous night finishing up a term paper, leaving him free for the day._

_Since it was raining that day, the four friends decided to all meet at Carlos' house for a movie day where they were going to spend the night camp out in his family room just like old times. After the game, they split up into two, Carlos and James heading home to the Garcia household to gather up the snacks and set up the family room while Logan and Kendall ran to the video store to pick up some DVDs. _

_Even with the harsh weather outside, the day was perfect in Logan's eyes. Their team was once again undefeated. They received another standing ovation when they sang the national anthem. He was going to spend the entire day just hanging out with his best friends, goofing around and watching movies, something he was unable to do lately, since he chose to go off to school and leave them behind. Best of all, he was going to be with Carlos. Everything was going to be perfect. _

_Or so he thought._

_Even from the driveway where he parked his jeep, Logan could hear the screaming. He looked at Kendall and the blond had the same look in his eyes. Something was not right. The first thing that crossed his mind was that someone got hurt. Forgetting the movies, Kendall and Logan ran through the rain right through the open front door where Logan was met with a sight that even he couldn't predict. _

_In the hour that it took Logan to drive to the video store, pick out the movies and drive to the Garcia home, all hell had broken loose. Mr. Garcia stood in the front room, red in the face, shouting at the top of his lungs. His wife pacing back and forth behind him, tears pouring out her eyes, shaking her head occasionally as she muttered to herself. Brooke Diamond stood off to the side, a drink in her hand, her eyebrows raised, shaking her head disapprovingly. Carlos was sat in the armchair, his face buried in his hands and shaking as if he were crying, while James stood in between his best friend and Carlos' father. His face was as red as the police officer as he shouted back, refusing anyone to get near Carlos. _

_Words were being thrown around. Logan could only make out a few between the shouts and tears. The officer was shouting words such as _disgusting, best friends, God, fags_, and _disown_. James was spitting back words containing _need, love, _and _Carlos_._

_Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Mr. Garcia walked passed Logan and Kendall, mumbling in Spanish as he headed down the stairs into the basement family room. It was quiet in his absence, knowing too well that he would be retuning all too soon. Upon his return, he held James' overnight belongings, which he threw at his son's best friend with hatred in his eyes._

_"I want you out of my house!" he growled. "And I don't want to see you anywhere near my son again."_

_The two boys stood frozen, wide-eyed at the officer's demands. _

_"Oh c'mon now. Aren't you being a little harsh? I don't approve of what they're doing, but they're still friends," James' mother rolled her eyes sipping at her martini, but it was obvious she couldn't care either way. _

_"No, Brooke. I don't want this sinner in my house any longer," he croaked. "Last thing I need is him," he turned his attention suddenly on James, "corrupting my son even more!"_

_"He didn't corrupt me!" Carlos finally spoke up, jumping to his feet in James's defense. "I was the one who hit on him. I had to convince him that everything was all right because he was the one who knew you wouldn't understand and that something like, this would happen. I love James! If you don't want him around, then I won't be around!"_

_"Sit down and shut-"_

_"No!" Carlos stood his ground, reaching out for James' hand and entwining it with his. "If you can't accept our love. You can't us."_

_"Ha!" Brooke's sudden burst had everyone's head snapping in her attention, "Honey, you boys are sixteen, you don't know what love is. James here is the heir to my company and is going to be one of the most sought after bachelors in the Midwest, do you honestly think he's going to want you hanging all over him in five years when he can have anyone he wants?"_

_"Carlos is the only one I want!" James insisted, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy to show his emphasis. _

_Logan stood frozen to his place by the front door, starring into the doorway of the living room. His best friends had gone and done what he was afraid to do. They had proclaimed their love for each other. Now they were standing together against their parents to protect that love._

_"Fine, you want to be with him?" the officer spoke up making his way over a closet. He pulled out two large suitcases and tossed them at his son's feet, "then be with him. But not in my house."_

_Mrs. Garcia's eyes widened at what her husband was about to do, "You are not throwing our son out on the street," she demanded running after her husband. _

_"I'm not, Sylvia. He's choosing to leave," he stated, though it sounded more like a demand as he walked out of the kitchen, his wife trailing behind him._

_Brooke merely stood there, her arms crossed as she stared at the two boys, shaking her head. _

_"Mom," James pleaded with her quietly._

_She took the last swig of her drink, "I'm going to the spa. It should give you boys enough time to get go the house and gather your things. You can keep your car and what's in your bank account, but don't expect to be receiving anything more or your trust fund on your twenty-first birthday."_

_James watched with watery eyes as his mother saunter towards the front door pausing only for a moment when she came across the two boys who had been standing there quietly, taking in the whole scene, "Why couldn't you two be more like Logan and Kendall?"_

_With that said, she was gone. _

_Logan stood there, with out even flinching, not knowing what to do or say as his best friends walked passed him, each with a suit case in their hands, before making their way up the stairs. He remained stilled at Kendall side as they returned a half hour later, suitcases packed. He didn't even say goodbye as he watched them walk right passed him and out the door into the rain. Only then did he manage to turn around and watch them load their luggage into James' cars before he watched his best friends pull away from their childhood home for good._

_It was Kendall's hand on his shoulder that snapped him out of his daze. Neither spoke as they watched the rain drench the spot on the driveway where the SUV had been parked only moments before. _

_ Without a word and one final hug to his Kendall, Logan walked out the door and drove away, never to return to their childhood neighborhood again. Without his best friend and secret crush no longer around, there was no reason to return._

"You alright there, Logie?" Carlos asked as he walked out the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around his waist while drops of water dripped down his chiseled abs.

"Yea, I was just thinking," Logan smiled, taking a sip of his forgotten coffee. "How are you feeling?"

"Great!" Carlos smiled for the first time in six days as he glanced through his closet in search of something to wear. "You getting up sometime soon?" he asked looking back at his best friend who had yet to get out of bed.

Logan looked at him quizzically. Carlos was way to happy. Something was wrong, "Are we in a hurry?" he asked testing the waters.

Carlos stopped what he was doing and turned towards his best friend, "Hello! James comes home tomorrow and we still have some serious unpacking to do! Now get your ass up!"

Logan stared in awe at Carlos' words. His denial was worse than he thought, "Carlos, what day is it?"

"Monday."

It was Sunday!

"What's the date?"

"April twelve. What's with the third degree, Logie bear?"

Logan took a deep breath and sighed, "Carlos, it's Sunday and James is not coming home tomorrow," he said as softly as possible, avoiding Carlos's eyes.

"Don't be stupid, Logan. Yesterday was Sunday. Remember, James called!"

_"Hello?" Carlos asked as he answered to the unknown number, praying it would be his lover who was safe and well._

_"Hey baby! Miss me?" James' smile could be heard through the phone._

_"Of course not," Carlos joked. "Logan already replaced you!"_

_"Hey don't joke about that!" James played along, "We both know Logan would replace me in an instant if I ever gave him the chance."_

_"What can I say? I'm irresistible!"_

_"That you are."_

_"What took you so long to call? I was so worried. I miss you!"_

_"I miss you too, baby. Sorry it took so long. As soon as the plane landed I was rushed to a photo shoot and it was nonstop until three in the morning. I was so exhausted when I got to the hotel that I just crashed. I was going to call you this morning, but I woke up late and had to rush to another shoot. I didn't mean to worry you like that."_

_"So how was the flight?" Carlos asked. _

_"Too damn long! I got stuck sitting beside this paranoid first time flyer. Every time we hit turbulence, he would freak, and start whimpering that the plane was going to crash. Finally a flight attendant offered him some liquor to calm his nerves. So how's your bonding time with Logan?"_

_"Oh, you know us. This morning we spent three hours making long hot passionate love to each other, then woke up in each others arms thinking about how lucky we were that you finally left," Carlos teased causing a confused looking Logan to stop in his tracks as he walked into the room, a box in hand. _

_"Yet, you were the one begging me not to leave."_

_"Yea well that was before I found out how amazing Logan was in bed," Carlos watched as his oldest best friend proceeded to drop the box on his foot, shocked by his best friend's words. "You alright, Logie?" he asked as Logan hopped around on his sore foot._

_"I'm fine," he called back as he limped over to a chair. Sitting down he began to remove his boots to check out the damage._

_"Is everything alright there?" James laughed._

_"Yea, Logan just dropped a box on his foot," Carlos explained. "We've been moving the boxes in all day."_

_"Sounds like fun. I've been stuck in boring old photo shoots all day," James explained. "Luckily I only have to sit through them for one more day then I'll be on my way home so I can hold you in my arms once again."_

_"I'll be waiting," Carlos smiled into the phone._

_"You better be," James smiled back. "Look baby, as much as I want to lay here all night listening to your beautiful voice, I really need to get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow as soon as I get a chance. I love you!"_

_"I love you too, James."_

_As much as he hated to do so, he hung up the phone and got back to work._

"Oh, I get it!" Carlos chuckled. "You're in denial of him coming back because you want to spend more alone time with me," he explained his theory before sitting on the bed where he wrapped his arms around his oldest best friend before placing a soft kiss to his lips, sending the genius into complete shock. "Look, Logan, I know how you feel about me. Hell, even James can tell you're in love with me and I love you too, buddy, just not the same way I love James. You understand that right?"

Completely stunned and not knowing what to say, Logan just nodded his head in agreement.

"Good, now that _that_ is out of the way, get up and get going!" the smaller boy declared, jumping to his feet, letting his towel drop to the ground before slowly sauntering back over to the closet, swaying his hips as he did so.

Logan sipped his coffee, his eyes still glued to his best friend's bare ass, not even realizing it was dripping down the front of him until his bare chest burned from the hot liquid.

Logan groaned. It was hopeless. The kid lost a whole week. He must have blocked it out and now he's going to be devastated again tomorrow when James doesn't walk through the door and greet him with a big smile and a loving kiss.

And worst than that, he was flaunting himself in front of Logan. How the hell was Logan going to deal with all of this, if he can't he even concentrate on a task as simple as drinking coffee?

**Author Note: **Poor Carlos has lost it. The next chapter is one of my favorites. ;)


	4. Waiting

**Author Note: **Thank you for reading and for the reviews. This chapter and the next are two of my favorite chapters because Carlos deals with some important issues. though sometimes I think Logan is suffering worst than he is.

Anyway... saw BTR over the weekend! They were amazing! Highlight of the night... my daughter... "I touched James and I'm never washing this hand again! *sigh*" Yes i trained her well.

... enjoy!

**Chapter 4: Waiting**

"His flight must have gotten in late," Carlos suggested as he glanced down at his watch for the fifteenth time in the past ten minutes. "He should have been here a half hour ago."

The two best friends were sitting in the car outside the airport in the pickup lane. Carlos was waiting anxiously for his best friend's arrival. He wanted to surprise James by waiting in the terminal for when he first walked off the plane, but Logan wouldn't let him out of the car.

"Oh, come on," Carlos groaned. "It doesn't take that long to get your luggage," he picked up his phone and pressed redial. The phone didn't bother to ring, instead it went straight to James' cheery voice, "_You've reached James Diamond. I'm off being pretty, so leave me one_!"

"Argh, voicemail again!"

Logan sat quietly beside Carlos in the driver seat. His gaze staring straight ahead out the window, past the large bus, into nothingness. His knuckles were white from the death grip he held on the steering wheel. His fluffy brown lock all over the place from the many times he had run his fingers through it. His eyes were tired and bloodshot from the tears he fought back and his head ached from the argument he was having with himself.

He tried to avoid this whole situation altogether. He knew he needed to get Carlos help. He needed to convince him of the truth, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't bare to see his little friend crushed and heartbroken. So he sat in silence. Letting Carlos enjoy a few more moments of happiness in his little fantasy world, before Logan would have to do the right thing and bring him back to reality.

Reality. That was a place Logan himself didn't want to be anymore. How could he bring himself to tare Carlos out of his daydream when he himself was stuck in a world that seemed so far away? Kendall was right. Maybe he couldn't handle this n his own.

_"Logan?" Carlos questioned as the door opened. He looked puzzled for a moment as Logan waved sheepishly before a genuine smile crossed the smaller boy's face and he threw himself into the arms of the brunette._

_"I missed you, too, Carlos!" Logan answered as he held him close, taken in his scent that he hadn't experienced in so long._

_"What are you doing here?" the Latino asked as he stepped away to get a good look at him. It had been far too long since the last time he had seen him. The last time he and James had packed their belongings and walked out on their families to start their own lives._

_"I came to see you, and James. Where is he?" the taller boy asked as he followed Carlos into the apartment. It was small, but quaint. From where he was standing, which was the kitchen, he could see the small living room as well as a small hall which led to two doors, which Logan assumed was the bedroom and the bathroom._

_"He's still at work. He had to work late. I actually just got home about fifteen minutes ago," he explained pointing to his uniform that he still had on. " I work at McDonalds during the week then James and I are waiters for a catering service on the weekends."_

_"What about school?" _

_Carlos looked to his feet, obviously not wanting to answer, but he did anyway, "I finished my sophomore year. James wanted me to stay, but I couldn't bare to see him work as much as he was. He was just so tired all the time. He went to work at the agency all day, came home to eat. He would stay up with me for a few hours, get three hours of sleep, then worked all night at some factory. _

_"He was warring himself out trying to keep me happy, and safe, and I couldn't let him do all the work. So without his approval, I quit school and got a job so he could quit the factory. _

_"It's all good though. We get to see each other a lot now, and James' working his way up. He just got a promotion last month. He's trying to save his money so I can go back to school._

_"So how did you find us?"_

_"Kendall told me. I've been meaning to call or write, but-"_

_"Meaning to?" A harsh voice asked from behind them. Logan turned around to see James standing behind him. He was dressed in a white dress shirt and tie. A brief case was in his hand. "It's been over a year and all you can say is you've been meaning to call and write?"_

_"I know," Logan answered. _

_"Why did it take you so long?"_

_"I had a few things to straighten out for myself."_

_"Like realizing we are still your best friends even though we are in love with each other?" James urged setting his brief case down as he loosened his tie._

_"James I always knew that," Logan sighed, trying to explain without revealing the real truth. To be honest, he really didn't know what he was going to say. He already went through this with Kendall until he finally broke down and told the blond the truth about his feelings for Carlos. Sobbing into the blonde's arms about how he wasn't ready to face them just yet, knowing he had missed his chance to be with the love of his life. _

_"But you didn't do anything about it!" the hazel eyed brunette carried on. _

_"What did you expect me to do, James?" Logan said getting frustrated by his best friend's harsh accusations. "I was in shock! You two could of at least told me! I had no idea!"_

_"Kendall had no problems dealing with it. He even let us stay at his house for a while."_

_"I couldn't have done that, James. I didn't even live at home anymore. I would of took you two in if I could. You know that! I just wish you could have told Kendall and I. You know we would still love you. We _do_ still love you two." _

_Carlos stepped in between the two of them before their argument could get anymore heated. "I'm sorry, Logan. We should have told you. We thought about it so many times, but we could never find the right time. You were off at college and the only time you came down was for hockey and we couldn't do it over the phone and we didn't want to tell just Kendall without you."_

_"I know, Carlos. I'm not mad at you two," Logan assured him. _

_"So how you're mom and dad?" Carlos asked, genuinely concerned._

_Logan bit his lip, shrugging his shoulders, "I wouldn't know," he said averting his eyes. _

_"What do you mean?" Carlos urged. "What happened?"_

_Logan shrugged, "I haven't seen them or talked to them. I stopped by to see them after everything happened and by then Brooke had already called and told my mother everything that had happened. When I walked in, I overheard my mother telling my father what bad influences you were and that it was a good thing that I was off at college where you wouldn't be able to rub off on me. I flipped out and told them off. I haven't been back since. Mom used to call, but I never answered. Mrs. Knight is the only one I still talk too. She calls at least once a week to check up on me."_

_Carlos smiled as he threw his arms around Logan, pulling him into a tight hug, "She calls us too."_

_James let out a sigh, his voice soft and shaky. "You did that for us? Gave up your family?"_

_Logan nodded, "You're all the family I need."_

_James' eyes began to water as he pushed Carlos out of the way and tackled Logan to the ground, "I'm sorry, Logan. We've missed you so much."_

_"I know. I've missed you two, too."_

_"So, how long are you staying?" Carlos asked, all smiles again._

_"I have all summer, so until you kick me out I guess," Logan beamed._

"This is ridiculous. I'm going to go in and see if I can get any information about the delay," Carlos said unbuckling his seatbelt and reaching for the door.

Logan reached over and grabbed a hold of him before he could climb out, "He's not coming, Carlos," he said quietly, refusing to look at him.

"Of course he is, Logan. Let me go."

"No, Carlos."

"Logan let me go! I need to find James!"

"Carlos, James is not coming. He's gone," he spoke softly.

"You are jealous! Aren't you? You don't want James to come back!"

"No, Carlos. That's not true," Logan pleaded with him, tears breaking through his barriers.

"Yea it is, Logan and you know it! You're in love with me! You hated seeing me and James together! You're trying to rip us apart!"

"Carlos, James is gone and he's not coming back!" Logan spoke with a tone harsher than he meant, causing Carlos' own eyes to fill with tears as the younger boy threw the door opened and rushed for the airport entrance.

Logan's tears turned to sobs as he leaned his head against the steering wheel, cursing the world for loosing not just James, but Carlos as well. Logan was the smartest. He was supposed to protect them, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop the tragedy James had succumb too, or the heartbreak his best friend was about to experience, all over again, when he asked about the flight that James was supposed to arrive home on.

Finding the strength to face the world, Logan lifted himself up straight. Using his sleeve, he wiped the tears from his cheeks. After running his hand through his messy hair one last time, Logan opened the door and climbed out of the car.

Ignoring the protest from the security guard regarding his car in a no parking zone, Logan made his way into the crowded airport. It hadn't taken him long to find Carlos. In the midst of a large crowed consisting of airport employees, security guards, and a few citizens was his best friend.

Carlos was hysterical. He had collapsed to his knees, his hands tugging harshly at his hair. A flight attendant had her arms wrapped around his fragile waist as he cried out for his lost lover.

No longer fighting the tears, Logan made his way into the crowd. He announced who he was and people stepped aside to allow him to gather Carlos into his arms. The smaller boy struggled briefly as Logan whispered soothing words into his ears. After a few moments, Carlos' hysterics turned to painful sobs. With the assistance of a security guard, the brunette carried his broken friend out to the awaiting car, buckling him. He thanked the security guard who had escorted them out, before climbing in and driving back to their empty home.

**Author Note: **the next chapter is where the Cargan will start to heat up and then it gets a bit interesting ;) Please tell me what you think.


	5. Thinking Of You

**Author Note: **As always, thank you all for reading/following/favoriting/reviewing! I really appreciate it! As promised, here is the first taste of Cargan. Enjoy!

**Warning! Smut!**

**Chapter 5: Thinking of You**

_"Keep them closed, Baby. We're almost there," James insisted as he helped a blindfolded Carlos up a flight of stair, "Few more steps. That's it."_

_"Come on, James. At least give me a hint?" Carlos pleaded._

_"Don't worry, we're here!" James smiled though Carlos couldn't see it. _

_"Can I look now?"_

_"One minute. I just need to-" James said as he struggled with getting the key into the door finally managing to open it, "There, ok. Now open!"_

_Carlos removed the blindfold and stared in disbelief, "James?" _

_"It's not much, but it's ours, Carlos. All ours!"_

_Carlos looked around the small apartment. It was tiny of course, one bedroom, a small kitchen and bathroom, with a good size living room, all of which were already furnished. It was definitely nicer than the pull out couch at Kendall's house where they had been staying for the past two months._

_"Do you like it?" James asked shyly, afraid of his response._

_"Are you kidding? I love it!" Carlos squealed, throwing himself in his boyfriend's arms, kissing him with such force they both fell to the ground. "Are you sure we can afford it?" Carlos asked, as they pulled apart for air._

_"I had to take the night shift at some factory, but it'll work."_

_"Night shift? You mean you won't be here with me at night?"_

_"Well, I'll be working all day at the agency while you are at school and I rearranged my schedule so I should get home just as you do. Then we'll have all afternoon and evening together before I leave for the factory at midnight. By then you should be sleeping."_

_"And when will you sleep?" Carlos asked as he quirked an eyebrow._

_"Between jobs. I have about a four hour window and I'll take cat naps during my breaks."_

_"James, you know I could always-"_

_"No, Carlos! You are staying in school and that's final. You need to get a business degree so you can open up that bookstore you always wanted. I don't need a degree to be a model. I promised I was going to take care of you and I am. Now, how about I give you a tour?" he asked pecking his lips softly._

_Carlos hesitated for a moment. He wanted to argue, but he knew there was no point. They had this argument many times, before, but there was no winning with James. He and made up his mind. He blamed Carlos' father throwing him out on himself and promised the Latino that he was going to take care of him and nothing was going to change that, "Alright," Carlos smiled back as he let James help him to his feet._

_"Well, as you can see, this is _our_ living room. Over there is _our_ kitchen. Through here is _our_ bathroom and here," James said standing before a closed door. "This is _our_ room!" he explained throwing the door open. _

_Before Carlos could respond, James had swept him off his feet and carried him into their new room. The smaller boy wrapped his arms tightly around his lover, kissing him with great force. James smiled into the kiss, before dropping his lover onto the twin bed, causing them to break apart before James crawled onto the bed, positioning himself over his best friend where he gazed down lovingly at him._

_"What are you starring at?" Carlos asked grinning widely._

_"You," he answered simply._

_Carlos giggled, "It's not nice to stare."_

_"How could I possible resist," James chuckled before returning to a more serious tone. "You are so beautiful."_

_Carlos' giggle fit stopped instantly as he stared up at his boyfriend._

_"I love you, Carlos."_

_"I love you too, James."_

_With that said, James leaned down, taking Carlos' lips in between his. The kiss was soft, gentle yet filled with so much emotion. It reminded James of their first kiss that happened only a year ago. Only this time, instead of confusion and uncertainty, it was filled with love and confidence._

_What started out small and sensual, soon turned heated and desperate. Shirts were discarded, pants were unzipped, breathing was heavy, and bodies were trembling in anticipation. James held himself up with one elbow while his other hand brushed the sweaty raven locks from his boyfriend's eyes._

_"We should stop," he suggested, seeing the look of fear in his best friend's dark clouded eyes._

_"No, please," Carlos pleaded with him._

_"Carlos, we're only sixteen. We don't have to do this."_

_"I know we don't have to, James. I want this. I need this," he insisted. "I need you."_

_James took a deep breath before crashing his lips to Carlos' in a heated kiss before pulling away abruptly, "Are you sure, Carlos? It's going to hurt."_

_"I know. I'm positive. As long as I'm with you, it will be worth it. I want to be with you, James. All of you."_

_This was all the reassurance James needed. He smiled widely before latching onto Carlos' neck, ravishing the sensitive skin, indulging in the moans it elicited from his receiver. _

_"If it becomes too much for you at anytime, I'll stop. Just promise you'll tell me. Alright?" James whispered into the shell of his ear, causing Carlos to shiver as the hot breath hit his cool caramel skin._

_"I - I promise," Carlos let out a shaky breath, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the feeling of James' lips smothering his chest._

_"I love you, Carlos."_

"I love you too, James," Carlos whispered into the air as he opened his eyes. He expected to see James leaning over him, but instead he saw darkness.

He blinked a few times allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim light from the full moon that had filtered in through the curtains, brightening the room just a smidge.

"_James_," Carlos whispered into the night. He felt the bed shift and looked beside him. There he was. Just like he had been for the past three months.

He was there when Carlos had woken up alone the morning after _he_ had left. He was there to hold him when the news reported the story. He was there to hold him when he woke up from his many nightmares. He was there when he broke down at the airport when _his _plane never returned. He was there when Carlos refused to do anything for a month. He was there when their parents showed up for the memorial service. He was there, when _he _was not.

He was the one who had quit his job and moved in to take care of him. He was the one who got Carlos up onto his feet again. He was the one who encouraged him to take the GED classes. He was the one Carlos had called right away when he received his test in the mail, declaring that he was now a high school graduate. He was the one who waited in line with Carlos to register for the fall semester at the community college, which started in in the fall. He was the one who drove Carlos to Kendall's game eight hours away when Carlos was too afraid to get on a plane. He was the one who made him smile for the first time in so long. He was there through the bad and the good. He was the one who made it all better, and more importantly, he was there now.

"Hey, Carlos," Logan yawned as he opened his eyes. "You alright?"

Carlos stared at him as if he was seeing him for the first time. His chocolate eyes sparkled in the light from the moon. He smiled widely, even through his tiredness from being awoken in the middle of the night.

"It's not nice to stare," Logan chuckled, brushing a lock of hair from Carlos' eye.

Without a second thought, Carlos lunged forward, wrapping his arms around his best friend as he crashed their lips together. Caught completely off guard, Logan was dazed by his friend's actions. He waited a moment for Carlos to come to his senses. When he didn't, Logan pushed him away gently.

"Carlos?" he asked.

"Please, Logan. I need this," he pleaded with desperation. He needed to be kissed, to be touched. He needed to feel someone again. When James left, a part of Carlos left with him. He needed to feel whole again. He needed Logan.

"Carlos, I- I can't- you,"

"I want this Logan. I need you," Carlos stared him down, pleading with his eyes.

Logan fought with himself. He knew it was wrong. He couldn't do it.

"I'm falling in love with you, Logan."

That was all the convincing he needed. Without warning, he pounced on top of Carlos, pressing him down into the mattress as he kissed him feverishly. It wasn't long before clothing was discarded, their lips were swollen, their eyes were black with lust, and Logan was lining up with Carlos's entrance.

"Are you sure you're ready, Carlos?"

Carlos stared into Logan's face. He watched his eyes sparkle and his lips move, yet another voice filled his ears.

_"I'm going to go nice and slow, alright Baby," James' soft velvety voice was saying. "Stop me if it hurts too much," James beamed down at his lover below him. Carlos was so overwhelmed at the moment he couldn't speak. He simply nodded. _

_He shut his eye tight waiting for the pain to come, but it never did._

"You alright, Carlos? I can stop if you want?" Logan asked as he steadied himself. He was shaking slightly as he held himself halfway inside of Carlos, desperately trying to keep himself from shoving himself further into the inviting heat.

"Just move," was his quick response.

Logan pushed himself in completely and pulled himself out slowly. Carlos moaned at the sensation running through his veins.

_He knew it was going to hurt, but this pain was completely different from his imagination. It felt so right. So perfect. James fit inside him like a hand fit inside a glove. They were meant to be. _

_Finally able to relax, Carlos opened his eyes and took in the sight above him. James' hazel eyes were locked on him and him only. A smile crossed his face as he notice the smaller boy starring up at him._

_"How's it feel, Baby?"_

"Amazing," Carlos moaned out, causing Logan to grin with glee and speed up as his best friend began to add his own thrust into the mix. "God, this feels good."

"You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do this," Logan panted as he pulled himself out completely before slamming into him.

_"I've loved you for so long, Carlos," James said between thrust. "Argh, you feel so good."_

_"Harder," Carlos insisted, wrapping his legs around his best friend's waist. "I'm so close."_

_"Me too, Baby!"_

"I won't last much longer," Logan grunted as he reached between the two of them and yanked on Carlos' forgotten cock. Carlos trembled slightly feeling the familiar tightening in his lower stomach. He was almost there.

_"Come with me, Baby," James' eyes were focused on Carlos'. The smaller boy nodded. He was close. Just a few more…_

"Fuck. Carlos!" Logan called out as he reached his peak, spilling himself into the Latino

Feeling the warmth flood into his tight cavern, it didn't take long to follow, "James!" he called out as his body quivered from pure ecstasy.

Logan froze when the name hit his ears. It had been so long since he had heard it. Especially, from the lips of Carlos. He knew this was too good to be true. He knew it was too soon.

Carlos came down from his high, panting heavily as Logan rolled over off of him. Seeing Logan made Carlos realize the mistake he had made.

"Logan, I'm so-"

He just smiled as he stopped him, "Don't be. I understand. It's late now. Get some sleep."

Carlos nodded before rolling over onto his side, his back to his friend. Logan did the same.


	6. Empty Shell

**Author Note:** Carlos gets a big surprise in this chapter and a little bit of drama at the end. Thank you guys for reading/favoriting/following/and replying!

**Chapter 6: Empty Shell**

Carlos lied in silence, listening as Logan's breathing evened out. Once he was certain he was asleep, Carlos crawled out of bed, wrapping the blanket that lied at the foot of the large bed, around his small bare frame, before making his way into the adjacent bathroom.

Once inside he closed the door behind him before falling to his knees. Burying his head in his hands, he began shaking violently as his sobs ripped through his tiny body.

"I'm so sorry, James. I'm so sorry," he cried softly into his hands, cursing himself for what he had done. He continued sobbing until his face was drenched from the salty tears. His voice was hoarse and throat painfully dry from his pleads of forgiveness when he slumped to the ground, his shaking knees unable to support him any longer.

Then he saw it. Out of the corner of his eye. At first it seemed like he was imagining it, just a dark blur passing by, but then he was there. Kneeling before him.

Taken aback by his sudden appearance, Carlos pushed himself up and backed away into the cabinet where he couldn't go any further. He wasn't frightened, just confused. How could such a loving and beautiful face as his frighten him?

He looked no different. His dark hair was still as perfect as ever, just as it was the night before he had left. His eyes were the same hazel, love pouring from them as he stared down at Carlos. _His_ Carlos. His face was still the beautiful tan color he had remembered. His beautiful smile shinning as brightly. He still smelled of his favorite cuda man spray and his voice was as angelic as it had ever been.

"There's nothing to be sorry for Baby," the soft velvet sound of his voice echoed through the bathroom.

"James- I-I- with Logan and-" he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"It's alright. Everything's going to be ok, now."

"How can you say that?" Carlos shouted.

"I've been watching you, Carlos. I've seen what you've done. You've moved into our dream house. You got you're diploma. You're going to be starting college soon. You've done everything we've talked about you doing so far. You're going to be all right, Carlos. You just need to let go."

"I can't, James. I just can't. I Love you!"

"I love you too, Baby boy, but look what you are doing to yourself," his hazel eyes scanned over Carlos.

Carlos sniffed slightly as he looked down at his naked form, still covered by the small soft blanket. He hadn't realized how bad he really looked. Logan wasn't lying when he told him he needed to eat more.

"I-I can't live without you," Carlos stuttered. "I've tried, but its- it's too damn hard!"

"Oh, Carlos."

"James, I've missed you so much. Why did you leave me?"

"I didn't leave you, Carlos. I'm right here. I'll always be here," he spoke back.

"But you left me James! You left me! I begged you not to go, but you left me, damn it!" Carlos shouted through his tears that began to reform.

"We needed this, Carlos. I did this for us."

"How can there be an us if you're not here! All I ever wanted was to be with you."

"You are with me, Carlos. You always will be. Come here," he said holding out his hand.

Carlos continued to sob as he reached out for his hand, but the closer he got, the farther James pulled away.

"James, I can't reach you," Carlos cried as he crawled towards his love. "I can't reach you."

"I'm right here, Carlos. I'm here," he called back.

Carlos lunged forward, grasping for his hand, yet all he felt was air as he came crashing to the tiled floor.

"James?" he asked looking back up, but he was gone. "James! James come back!" he cried out. "Come back, James! Come back!" he began to sob as he curled himself up into a ball. "I need you. Come back!"

"Carlos? Carlos, are you alright?" his best friend asked him.

Carlos shook his head, his sobs overtaking his voice.

"It's OK, Carlos, I'm here, now. It's alright," a soft voice whispered into his ear as he felt warm arms wrap around him, rocking him gently. "I'm not going to leave you," he continued to whispered kissing his hair.

"He left me, Logan. He left me again," Carlos began to cry out as his sob subsided to small hiccups.

"I know, Baby. I know," Logan continued to rock him.

"He was here, Logan. He was here with me and he left me."

"It's alright, Baby. Everything's going to be alright!"

"Today's his birthday. He would have been twenty-three. He was so young."

"I know, Baby. I know."

Logan held his best friend tight. Rocking him back and forth in his arms and together, they cried for their missing piece.

_"Don't forget the eggs, Babe," James smiled as he sat on the counter beside the large mixing bowl that Carlos was using to mix in the contents of the cake mix. _

_"I know," he smiled up at him. His eyes shinning with love and determination as he cracked the second egg into the bowl before tossing the shell into the garbage. "Get out!" he giggled as he slapped James' fingers away from the concoction. _

_"Mmm…," James grinned. "Have you ever thought about becoming a baker?"_

_"Yea, cause it takes so much talent to read the direction on the back of the Betty Crocker box," he teased as he began mixing the ingredients together while reaching for the cupcake pan._

_"Come on, Baby, let me help," James offered as he jumped off the counter and attempted to reach for the second pan, only to be smacked away with the spoon Carlos had been using to mix the batter, causing the chocolate goo to splatter all over James._

_"Oh, James, I'm sorry," Carlos said quickly trying his hardest not to laugh at the mess all over his boyfriend's white tee._

_James quirked an eyebrow at his boyfriend as he starred at the chocolate splattered over his hand where the spoon had hit him. With a smirk, he brought the hand slowly to his mouth and as seductively as possible, began to lick it clean as his eyes stayed locked on Carlos._

_"Mmmm, tasty," he said between licks, causing Carlos' jaw to drop and his mouth to water. _

"I just wanted a mug from the cabinet," a deeper voice broke Carlos from his trance.

Carlos looked around. He was no longer in the small kitchenette of his and James' apartment, but in a kitchen much larger with newer appliances. Looking up, the younger boy saw Logan standing next him. His new sky blue dress shirt was covered in chocolate cake batter as well as his outstretched hand, which was settled on the handle of the cabinet door that hung just over his head.

"Oh, Logan. I'm so sorry. I thought you were trying to sneak a taste," he lied.

Logan chuckled, shaking his head, "I shouldn't have startled you. It's my fault. You looked like you were concentrating pretty hard."

"Yea, I was," Carlos looked down at the batter.

"So, cake for breakfast?" Logan asked wiping himself down with a dishtowel.

"It's just a habit I guess," the smaller friend shrugged. "Every morning for his birthday, I usually-used to- try to sneak down while he was still sleeping and make him cupcakes, but he always seems-seemed to wake up before I'm even finished mixing the batter. Then we would end up decorating them together, or at least trying to-" he paused, smiling at the memory, "because we'd usually-used to," he corrected himself "ended up eating them all before we finished or starting a cupcake fight."

Logan couldn't but smile at the look on Carlos' face as he recalled the memory, "Want me to go to the store and get some sprinkles?" he offered knowing there was none in the house.

Carlos smiled that one smile that Logan hadn't seen in so long, "and marshmallow?"

"And M&Ms and twistlers and skittles!" Logan smiled back.

"Yes! I love skittles!"

"I'm just going to go change my shirt and grab my keys." Carlos nodded excitedly as Logan headed for the stairs where his smile left him.

He was so sure Carlos was finally getting better, but after what happened the night before, he wasn't so sure anymore. He understood Carlos' breakdown last night, but now he was talking to himself. Not just to himself, but Logan distinctively heard him say James' name. This frightened him more than the two months that Carlos refused to eat.

"This is just another phase," Logan whispered when he found himself starring into the mirror of the Master bedroom that Carlos had insisted they share. "Today's James' birthday. This is part of the healing process. He will be fine," Logan shook his head and let out a low chuckle, "Great! Now I'm the one talking to myself."

He walked away from the mirror as he tore off the soiled shirt, tossing it into the small pile of laundry that was gathered in the far corner of the room before replacing it with a clean one from his dresser. He gathered up his keys and just as he was reaching for his phone, it rang.

Logan smiled as he saw who was calling, "Hey Kendall!"

_"Logan?" _

"Yea, buddy. You all right?" he asked hearing the uncertainty in his best friend's voice.

_"Logan- its Carlos' Dad..."_

Logan could hear the fear in the blonde's voice. Something was wrong. They hadn't spoken about the police officer since they had left the old neighborhood.

"What about his Dad, Kendall? What's wrong?"

_"He had a heart attack!"_

**Author** **Note:** So what do you think of the new appearance of James?


	7. Thinking Aloud

**Author Note: **Thank You guys so much for reading/following/favoriting/reviewing! We are a little more than halfway through with this fic. There are 12 chapters total and still some major twists and surprises ahead! Enjoy!

**Chapter 7: Talking Aloud **

"Cupcakes? You shouldn't have?"

Carlos closed the stove after placing the cupcake tins inside and turned around to see _him_ sitting on the counter again, dipping his fingers into the left over batter.

"It's your birthday. I always make you cupcakes on your birthday."

"Yea, but you didn't need to send Logan to the store to get me decorations," he said jumping off the counter and walking over to the fridge. "You're going to make me fat."

"You're not fat. You're a model. Besides, he offered."

It was silent for a moment.

"It's all right you know," he said softly as he closed the door to the fridge before turning back to Carlos and leaning against the appliance.

"Huh?" Carlos looked to him in confusion.

"To love Logan."

"I don't love Logan."

"Carlos, you can't lie to me. I see it every time you look at him and it's all right. I'm not mad."

"But you-"

"If I can't be with you, Carlos, then there's no one else I'd rather see you with. He loves you. He really does and I know he can take care of you. Just give him the chance."

Carlos just nodded, avoiding his eyes.

"He's still upstairs. Go talk to him."

Logan stared down at the phone in his hand. This could not be happening. He had way more than he could handle as it is with Carlos, but now he had to deal with the Garcia family as well. The Garcia family, whom hadn't seen him over six years and had disowned him because of his love for James.

How was he supposed to tell Carlos?

While he was deep in thought, he failed to hear his best friend enter the room. It wasn't until the smaller boy wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, that he knew he was there.

"I thought you left already," Carlos giggled as he pressed his nose into the back of his friend's neck.

Logan smiled, loving the feeling, "I was on the phone."

"Hmm?" Carlos hummed as he began leaving a trail of light kisses down the brunette's neck. "Anything important."

"It was Kendall. He-um- just wanted to say hi."

"Oh," Carlos grinned. "Look, Logan, about last night-"

"Carlos, you don't have to say anything. I know it was a mistake and we can just forget about it," Logan interrupted him

"But I don't want to forget about it."

"Carlos, your not re-"

"I am ready, Logan. Please just give me a chance?"

"Carlos, about Kendall's call. He didn't call just to-"

"Logan, don't change the subject."

"This is important. Your father had a heart attack."

"Oh?" Carlos said dropping his arms to his side before walking over to the bed and taking a seat. Logan followed.

"He's in surgery right now, but- Carlos it doesn't look good."

"Um-well, I guess we can send some flowers or-"

"Carlos, your Father is dying."

"What Father, Logan? Not mine! I disowned him six years ago, remember?"

"Baby, please-"

"Don't call me that!" Carlos shouted, tears threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry. Please, just hear me out," Logan pleaded as he sat down and attempted to wrap his arms around his best friend who pushed him away. Carlos stood and hurried across the room.

"I'm not going there, Logan. I'm not!" he said shaking his head, the tears streaming down his cheeks as he fell to his knees.

"Carlos, please-" the brunette pleaded as he rushed over to his best friend, dropping to his knees beside him, only to be pushed away again.

"Just leave me alone," Carlos whispered, his hands covering his face. "Please, just leave me alone."

Logan nodded standing to his feet. He knew he needed space. Besides, he could hear the oven timer going off. This could wait a few moments.

"I'm going to go take the cupcakes out of he oven, then go to the store. Are you going to be alright?"

Carlos nodded, refusing to look up.

"Alright. Call me if you need me," Logan stated before walking out the door, leaving the smaller man alone.

Carlos didn't bother to look up, even after the door was closed and Logan was gone. It was an angelic voice that caught his attention.

"'Bout time Karma caught up to the old man."

Carlos looked in the direction of the voice to see _him_, sitting there on top of the dresser. _His _dresser. He hoped down when he saw Carlos look at him.

"Miss me?"

Carlos couldn't help but smile, "You have no idea."

"Why is it, every time I come to see you, you are crying?"

"Because I'm thinking of you," Carlos shrugged his shoulders as he wiped away his tears.

"Get over me already," he laughed, causing Carlos to chuckle a bit too. "So, when are you going to the hospital?" he asked as he walked around the room, checking out everything.

"What? I can't go! Are you crazy?"

"He's your dad, Carlos. You can't ignore that no matter how bad you try."

"But he kicked us out, James."

"He kicked me out, Carlos. Not you. You chose to leave, remember?"

"I chose you."

"And I chose you," he smiled.

"I would do it again in a heartbeat," Carlos insisted. "I couldn't let him treat you like that. He blamed everything on you. It wasn't your fault."

"I know Carlos. How could I forget? I think you used every cheesy pick up line in the book."

"Well, what do you expect? We were only fourteen."

Both boys laughed at the memory.

"Of course, you continued to ignore me for a year."

"Yea, well I thought you were just teasing me or something. I never thought my best friend would be in love with me. Or I with him," he took a deep breath before continuing, "Then again, who could resist you? Logan being in love with you, too."

Carlos looked down at his hands at the sound of his new room mate's name.

"He doesn't want to be with me."

"Of course he does, Carlos. He's just scared."

"Scared?"

"He's afraid that you're using him. Like your trying-"

"To replace you with him?"

"Exactly."

"But you know that's not true. I do love him. I've always loved him. Not like you, but I do. You know that."

"I know that, Carlos, but he doesn't. Try to talk to him again. Tell him how you feel."

"But what if he-?"

"He'll listen, Baby. He's our best friend. He has to listen to us," he said as he took a sit on the edge of the bed, "Now, about your dad. I think you should go. You need to talk to him for both of us. Before it's too late. Besides, I think it's time for you to reconnect with your mom, and Logan should see his parents too. I don't want you guys to leave without talking to your parents again. I don't want you to end up like me."

"I can't James. It's been too long and he-"

"He'll talk to you, Carlos. He wants to fix things too. It's too late for me, but there's still you."

Carlos sighed. He knew he was right, "Will you come with me?"

"I'm always with you, Carlos. I always will be. I'm apart of you."

"I know," Carlos gave in, "I'll go as soon as Logan gets back," Carlos looked at the ground. "Hey James?"

"Yea, Baby?" he asked.

"What are you?"

"What?"

"Are you like a ghost? Or an angel or something?"

"What do you think, Carlos?"

"I don't know what to think anymore."

"Maybe that's your problem then."

"Huh," Carlos looked up confused. His attention was diverted by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.

"Logan's home. You should go."

Carlos looked towards the window as he heard the car door shut and Logan whistling as he walked up the sidewalk.

"But James- James?" Carlos looked around. He was gone.

"Carlos?" Logan's voice called up the stairs. "I got skittles!"

Carlos took a deep breath before standing up. He looked around the room one last time, "I love you, James," he whispered before making his way out the door.


	8. Sad Reunion

**Author Note:** Thank you guys for reading/following/favoriting/reviewing! We get to see more Kendall in this one! Not much but he's there. I'm trying to include him as much as possible and you will see him more in the next few chapters too, especially when he finds out about Cargan! I promise! Enjoy!

**Chapter 8: Sad Reunion**

"Logan!" a familiar voice filled the waiting room as the two best friends entered through the automatic doors of the hospital. Carlos stayed a few paces behind the brunette as he watched the blond rush towards Logan and throw his arms around him.

"Hey Kendall. I've missed you so much," Logan exclaimed as he held on tight to their fourth musketeer.

Carlos watched the exchanged from a distance. It was no secret that Kendall was always closest to Logan while Carlos had James. Now that it was just the three of them together, Carlos wasn't sure where he fit in. He lost his best friend, his other half.

"How's he doing?" Logan asked the blond.

Kendall shrugged, "He's still in surgery. They wont tell us anything until he's out."

"Hey Carlitos!" Kendall smiled holding out his arms. Carlos gave a nervous smile before burying his face into the blonde's chest.

Just then a middle aged Latina women, with graying hair and tear-tracked cheeks ran over to the brunette and threw her arms around him. Carlos tensed instantly at the sight of her causing Kendall to only hold onto to him tighter.

"Logan," she cried into his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"Kendall called us and told us about Mr. Garcia," he explained.

She pulled away before looking at Kendall, "You have his number?" Kendall simply nodded and she turned her attention back to Logan, "Oh, I've missed you so much. You boys never come around any more. If it wasn't for Kendall, we would never know what you boys were up to."

"We missed you too," Logan nodded.

"We?" she asked looking around. It was then that she finally noticed her son buried in Kendall's arms. "Carlos?"

Carlos looked up at the women. He held on tightly to the blond, but Kendall gently pushed him away as she slowly closed the distance between them, "Hi, Mom," he said softly, flinching as she threw her arms around his neck and began crying into his shoulder.

"Carlos," she sobbed, "I've missed you so much."

Carlos couldn't hold it any longer as he let the tears fall freely and he hugged her back, "I missed you too, Mommy."

The two embraced each other for a moment longer before letting go. They exchanged small smiles before someone cut in, tackling Carlos with a giant hug.

"Whoa, Katie. Take it easy," Carlos chuckled as his best friend little sister held on tight.

"I haven't seen you in six years and you want me to take it easy?" the brunette asked as she pulled away, looking up at him with large doe eyes.

"Awe, come here!" Carlos smiled as he held out his arms again and Katie dove back into him, almost knocking him over if it wasn't for Logan and Kendall catching them, joining in for a group hug.

When they released him he looked up to find a familiar red headed women smiling back, "Mama Knight!" he exclaimed before launching himself Kendall's mom, holding her into a giant bear hug before calling out for another group hug, pulling Logan in beside him.

The three best friends laughed as they squeezed together around the redheaded women and the little sister while Carlos' Mother watched with a small smile. It saddened her that the other mother received such a warm welcoming, but who can blame her. She was the one who had stood up for the kids, when they needed her the most. It was no wonder no one invited her to be apart of the group hug. She was a disappointment to herself, let alone the boys. It was too late to change that now.

When they were all settled down, the family took a seat in the corner of the waiting room. Logan catching up with Mrs. Knight, while Kendall teased Katie about who she was secretly texting, allowing Mrs. Garcia to have the much needed time with her son.

"How you holding up, Sweetie?" she asked placing her hand over his.

Carlos looked down at his lap. He knew she was talking about _him_. No one ever talked about _him_, except for Logan, but that was only if he brought up the subject. Carlos was surprised she even knew about it. Than again, he supposed Kendall had told her. The hockey player was the only who had stayed in touch with everyone.

"Fine, I guess. Logan's been taking good care of me," he smiled as he looked up the brunette who returned with his own dazzling smile.

Sylvia looked between the two boys. She knew that look. She had seen it before.

The group continued to catch up for another hour. Finally, a man in a long white coat came out of the swinging doors and called their name.

"I'm Mrs. Garcia," Sylvia hurried to her feet, Logan, being the doctor of the group, right behind her. Carlos stayed in his seat, starring down at his lap.

"You alright, Carlos?"

Carlos looked up to see that his best friend's baby sister had taken his Mother's seat.

"I'm scared, Katie," he said softly so only the two of them can hear.

_It was a sober day to say the least. The first time in over a week that Carlos came out of the house since the day he broke down at the airport. The second time since the accident occurred. It was the one day since the accident that Carlos didn't cry. He couldn't find the tears to do so. It was the first time in six years that he had seen their parents._

_It had been exactly two weeks since the news broke out about the accident that took James away. The reports had come in that the wreckage was so extreme that half of the bodies were either missing or yet to be identified. The crash was still under investigation, with very little known as to what had happened. There were no survivors. There wasn't a chance for survival. _

_In order to bring closure to the families, the airline had set up a memorial service to honor those lost in the horrific accident. There were no coffins, no bodies, no graves. There was just a plaque that was donated in honor of the victims, each of their names engraved into the shinny marble. The ceremony took place in a large park, not far from the airport where the plaque was added to the beautiful fountain that sat in the middle of the gardens. _

_The mourners encircled the fountains. Some brought tears while others brought flowers and gifts. Carlos sat front row, Logan on one side, Kendall on his other. Beside him sat his mother. Although she wanted to come, Katie had finals and couldn't make it, but she was sure to let Carlos know that she was there in spirit. Directly across from them, and a few rows back, were their parents. James' mother was crying softly into a handkerchief, her large brim hat covering her eyes. Carlos' father sat beside her, his arms crossed over his chest, a look of disgust on his face. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere, but there. Beside him sat Sylvia. Her eyes were downcast, hidden beneath a veil. Behind them sat Logan's parents. They looked rather bored. He was sure the only reason either of them were even there was because of Brooke. They were all still friends or at least they pretended to be. It was all just show in the old neighborhood. Best friends to their faces, then talked behind each other's backs. The boys all knew the truth, but through it all, they always managed to be the real deal. _

_As the ceremony continued, Carlos buried his head into Logan's chest. He didn't want to hear the preacher or any other speaker for that matter talk about how wonderful the victims, as they called it, were or how they would be missed. They didn't know James. They didn't know how truly amazing he was. How he could walk into an atmosphere similar to this one and no matter how sad people were, he could make them laugh. They didn't know how James only had to look at Carlos and the smaller boy would instantly fall in love with him all over again. They didn't know how hard it was for Carlos to wake up everyday, knowing that he would never see his love, his life, ever again._

_The ceremony was about an hour and half long. A member from each family of the victims took the podium to say a few words about their lost love one. Kendall being the one to speak for James. He was always the better speaker out of the four. When all was said, the mourners lined up and paid respect at the plaque. Some said prayers, other whispered words. Some left teddy bears, pictures, gifts, flowers and some even left letters. _

_When it was Carlos, Logan, and Kendall's turn, the best friends were silent. Logan held on to his best friend, knowing the boy would crumble if he didn't. Carlos glanced over the stone, searching for his best friend's name. He was listed in the second row, towards the middle. James Diamond, July 16, 1990- April 11, 2013, Minnesota, USA. Scanning through the rest of the names, he realized just how young his best friend was, the fifth youngest on board to be exact._

_Carlos took the longest at the stone. There were people waiting behind him, but he didn't care. They didn't loose James. Logan waited patiently. He knew not to rush Carlos. When he was satisfied with his time there, the younger boy let out a whispered 'I love You' before turning to his best friends. Logan gave him a faint smile and while Kendall nodded. Kendall placed a stuffed animal at the plaque and together the three walked away._

_Taking a moment, Carlos scanned the park. He knew his parents were not in front of him in line, nor he found out, that they were not in the back of the line._

_"They left," Kendall stated, noticing Carlos' wondering eye. "Right after the ceremony."_

_Carlos nodded and without a word, the three best friends continued on their way, leaving a piece of them behind._

It was two more hours before anyone was aloud in to see the Garcia Patriarch. The surgery was a success, but his heart was still weak. Carlos waited patiently at the door while the others visited the heart attack survivor.

"I can't do this," Carlos whispered through clench teeth to no one in particular, though the voice that responded was the one he was hoping for.

"Carlos, you have to. You have to do this for us."

"It's too hard, James. He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Carlos. He hates what we were. Together."

"But what we were together is who I am. I'm part of you, James."

"I know that Carlos, but you have to do this. You know I would do it if I could, but I can't. It's up to you."

"Carlos?"

Carlos turned his head to see his best friend starring at him.

"Who are you talking to?" the blond asked.

Carlos looked away, fighting the tears, "No one, Kendall. I was just talking to myself."

After a joyful reunion with the beloved Doctor Logan, the group stepped aside to give Carlos his own time. Guided in by Kendall, with tears threatening to fall, Carlos made his way into the room and over to the bed.

His father was quiet for a moment. Starring at the many machines as they beeped and ran analysis of his health. Finally he turned back to his visitors to notice his son for the first time. Carlos stared back at him and began to shake. What was he thinking? This couldn't turn out good.

"Dad?" Carlos stuttered.

"Carlos," his father answered plainly before turning his head back to the machines, refusing to look at his son.

It was silent for a moment before Carlos found the courage to speak again, "H-h-how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Well I - um," he looked around trying to find the right words to say.

"Tell him how much you missed him," an encouraging voice from inside his head spoke.

Carlos smiled slightly, grateful for the help, "I missed you."

The Garcia patriarch remained still and silent.

Carlos sighed, giving up, "Well, it was nice seeing you again, Dad. I hope you feel better soon."

Carlos stood and headed for the door where the rest of his extended family stood watching the exchange. Kendall holding Katie back who looked as if she were about to charge the old man. Logan stood behind Carlos' mother with a calming hand on her shoulder while Sylvia cried silently into Jennifer's shoulder as she watched her husband reject their only son. It wasn't until Carlos reached his family in the doorway, where Logan welcomed him with opened arms, that his father finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, Miho," he called out, still refusing to look at him.

Carlos could feel the rush of hot tears sliding down his cheeks as he ran over to his father's side and careful engulfed the old man into hug. It took a moment but the elder finally returned the gesture before whispering to Carlos.

"I love you, Carlos. I always have. Both you and James."

"We love you too, Papi," Carlos cried through his tears, refusing to let his father go.

The whole room was silent during the much needed reunion as Father and Son embraced each other. It wasn't until he felt his father still beneath him, the older mans arms dropping to the side and the steady beeping of the machine broke out into one continuous cry that anyone bothered step forward.

Everything was a blur to Carlos, but he didn't let go. He knew there was shouting going on around him as a flash of white coats rushed into the room, but he couldn't hear a thing. It was Logan who finally managed to tear him away as they were rushed from the room. It was Logan who held him tight out in the hall as they waited for the news. It was Logan who kissed his hair and whispered soothing words into his ear. It was Logan who caught him when his knees buckled from underneath him, as the doctor appeared again with the news they were all dreading.

**Author Note: **I promise, that is the last sad part. We are moving on to happy thoughts! Carlos is starting to heal and he will make a big break through in the next chapter! and more Cargan action!Yay!


	9. Ready

**Author Note:** Thank you for reading/reviewing/following/favoriting! Only three more chapters lefts!

Time for some happy Cargan! :) No more sad parts! I think...

**Chapter 9: Ready**

"What about this one?" Carlos asked holding up a green and red plaid shirt.

"A bit too Christmas-y, don't you think? It's only September," he said as he sat at the edge of the bed, watching Carlos pour through his drawers. "Besides, looks like something Kendall would wear. Not you. Wear purple! Purple looks amazing on you. Logan thinks so too."

Carlos sighed as he pulled a purple dress shirt out of his closet before placing it back on the hanger, "James, we talked about this."

"And you just simply give up every little chance you get."

"He doesn't want me and I'm not ready."

"You are ready, Carlos! It's been two months since you two made-"

"I know, I know. It's just- every time I even bring up the subject of- him and I- together- he changes the subject. He doesn't think I'm ready yet."

"What do you think?" he asked standing to his feet.

"I think I'm crazy," Carlos blurted out.

"Carlos!"

"It's true James! I'm a mess!"

"No you're not!"

"I am!" Carlos insisted. "I'm talking to my dead lover's ghost- angel, what ever the hell you are. That's not normal, James!"

He chuckled, shaking his head, "So that's what I am? Your dead lover's ghost?"

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just… I don't know what you are, why you are here, or how to make you go away."

"You want me to leave?" James raised an eyebrow. "'Cuz I can. I mean the door's right there. Not that I need one."

"James! You know that's not what I meant," Carlos said frustrated. "But what if he's right? What if I'm not ready? What if the reason I'm seeing you is because I'm not ready to move on. I mean you didn't show up until that night when we-"

"Made love!"

"I know what we did!" Carlos snapped causing him to chuckle.

"Then why do you have such a hard time admitting it to yourself, let alone me?"

"I don't! I just… why are you always right?"

"Because I'm apart of you Carlos and you are always right! You just need to stop doubting yourself. Now put on that purple shirt, pick out a nice tie, may I suggest your purple converse? And get your ass down stairs and talk to Logan before everyone gets here to celebrate his birthday?"

Carlos glared at him before reaching into his closet and pulling out the purple shirt, "Fine! All right I'll wear it! Geez, even as a ghost you are pushy!"

He smirked as he shook his head, "Good luck. I love you, Carlos and I'll always be with you."

"Love you too, James!" Carlos smiled, looking down to button up the dress shirt. By the time he looked back up, he was gone. Standing in his place was a confused Logan.

"You all right, Carlos?" he asked.

Carlos just smiled, "Great. Why?"

The taller man shook his head, "No reason. I love your shirt. You look amazing in purple."

"Thanks," the smaller man said as he fumbled with his tie in the mirror. "Gah, I hate ties!"

Logan just chuckled before walking over to his best friend, "Here, let me help."

"Thanks," Carlos smiled up at him.

The Latino waited as Logan quickly fixed the tie.

"Just kiss him!" a voice whispered. Looking behind Logan, he saw _him_, standing there. Urging him on. Carlos took a deep breath and nodded. He knew what he had to do.

When Logan was finished, he looked up to see Carlos starring intently at him. Before he knew what was happening, Carlos' arms were wrapped around his neck and they were both leaning in to one another.

"You know you want this?" Carlos whispered when they were mere inches apart.

Though he'd try for months now, Logan could no longer resist. This was what he wanted. He had wanted it for years. He had resisted Carlos for the past two months, knowing that the boy was just trying to fill a void, but perhaps, maybe this is what they both needed.

In the middle of the kiss, Carlos opened his eyes. He could see him starring at the two of them, love filling his own eyes with that goofy grin he wore when he was excited about something.

Carlos closed his eyes again, pouring every emotion he felt for Logan into the one kiss, knowing that he felt it too, the moment he felt Logan's arms wrap tightly around his waist.

They had kissed before, two months ago, but this time was different. This time he was kissing Logan, not his memory of James.

It was a few more moments, before air forced them to break apart. They remained in each other's embrace, Carlos' eyes still closed as he leaned his forehead against Logan's shoulder, panting heavily, a smile across his features.

When he felt the strength return to his body, he raised his head up so that his chin was now resting against the brunette's shoulder, and he slowly opened his eyes, expecting to see him starring back at him, but he was wrong.

"He's gone," the younger man whispered softly.

"Carlos," Logan questioned, pulling back so he could face him.

Carlos merely smiled, shaking his head, as he jumped on top of Logan, sending the two of them crashing to the floor as he smashed their lips together once more. This kiss was more intense, more lustful than the first, yet held the same passion. Carlos was in control as he ran his tongue along the bottom of Logan's lips, asking for entrance. Logan granted it almost immediately, taking full control as their tongues clashed together forcefully.

It was Carlos who pulled away first. He sat back, sitting on top of Logan's stomach as he smiled down at the genius, who stared at him with wide eyes and a goofy grin.

"I'm ready for this you know," the smaller man said.

"I see that," Logan answered.

"I'm not trying to replace him with you. I could never replace him, but I do want to be with you. Like he and I were. You always had a piece of my heart, Logan. It's big enough for the two of you."

"Are you sure, Carlos? Is this really what you want?"

"I want you, Logan! More than anything."

Logan didn't need to be told twice. Sitting up, he placed a hand behind Carlos' neck and pulled him in for another kiss. This one was slow, sensual, and sweet. It didn't last long, but it was long enough.

"I love you, Carlos," Logan smiled, looking deep into the chocolate orbs of the Latino he had waited so long to say those three words to.

"I love you too, Logan," Carlos answered honestly.

The two leaned in for yet another kiss, only to be torn apart by the sound of the doorbell.

"They're here," Logan whispered. Carlos simply nodded, his eyes attached to Logan's chocolate ones. "I'm going to go let them in. You finish getting ready, alright?"

Carlos nodded again, pecking his lover's lips before climbing off. He watched as Logan hurried across the room, and waited until he heard the front door open before his eyes wondered around the room.

"James?" he called out softly. "I did it, James! I did it!" his eyes scanned the empty room in search of the familiar hazel eyes, but they were nowhere in sight. His excitement suddenly changed to sadness as he realized the full extent of what he had done. "I did it, James. I- I made you disappear," he stuttered.

His eyes rested upon the one picture of James and himself that he kept on his nightstand. Walking over to it, he picked it up and stared at the last photograph ever taken of the two of them together. Bringing two fingers to his lips, he kissed them gently before touching James' image in the frame.

"Until we meet again," he smiled, before opening up the drawer and dropping the picture inside. He paused a moment, before closing the drawer. After slipping into his purple converse, he made his way out of the room and down the stairs.

**Author Note:** It's getting happier, right? :) Anyway, The newest chapter of **World's Apart **is finally up! I'll try to have an update for **The Clique** up by the end up the week!


	10. Happy Days

**Author Note: **Thank you for reading and reviewing! Here's a fun little smutty chapter! The next chapter turns back to the dark twisted angsty fic that it was ;) WITH A HUGE breakdown from Carlos and Logan! Enjoy!

**Chapter 10: Happy Days**

Logan smiled as he awoke early on the morning of Thanksgiving. He could hear the shower running and Carlos' soft voice wafting through the open door as he belted out the lyrics to Build Me Up Buttercup.

The last three months seemed like a dream to Logan. He loved falling asleep every night with Carlos in his arms only to wake up the next morning to find his lover either serenading him from the shower or kissing his neck playfully.

Carlos had been doing way better than expected. It was as if nothing bad had ever happened. He was smiling again, enjoying life and best of all he was no longer talking to himself. It was the Carlos that Logan had come to love all those years ago when they were still young and they were the four musketeers.

"What are so happy about?" Carlos chuckled as he walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist while he used a second towel to dry his hair.

"I was just thinking," Logan smiled, his eyes on his lover's body. He was looking so much healthier lately. He had regained the weight he had lost due to lack of food. The two had joined a gym together and the workout was definitely showing in Carlos' abs.

"What about?"

"You!"

Carlos smirked as he dropped the towel he was using to dry his hair and sauntered over to the bed where Logan had yet to get out of. Logan sat up quickly as the smaller boy climbed onto the bed before Carlos straddled his hips, cupping the brunette's face in his hands.

"Thinking of me?" he whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

Logan's smile widened. It was so hard not to feel this way around him. Just the sight of him made his stomach flutter, his knees weak and his breath shallow.

"I love you," the taller man whispered causing Carlos' smile to brighten this time. The smaller lover closed his eyes as he placed a soft gentle kiss to Logan's lips before pulling away.

"I love you, too," he responded. "You should really get up and get dressed. They are going to be here soon."

Logan groaned, wrapping his arms around Carlos' waist, trapping his lover in his arms so he couldn't move, "I don't want to," he whined.

"What if Kendall walks in and finds us like this? You did give him a key!" Carlos smiled as he forced himself up and back onto his feet, dropping his towel in the process as he stalked over to the arm hair where he had laid out his clothes.

Logan opened his mouth to retaliate, only to end up gawking at his best friend across the room.

"You're starring again," Carlos laughed as he threw a pillow at his lover. "It's not nice to stare."

"I can't help it," the doctor said pushing the blankets back and standing up. "You're too beautiful."

Carlos' cheeks blushed a light tinge of pink at Logan's words as he bent down to pull his pants up, "Logan!" he squealed when his boyfriend crept up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and twirled him around. "Logan, put me down!" he laughed. "We need to get ready!"

Logan set him back down on his feet, but refused to let him go, "Can't we just have a few more minutes? How do you expect me to last through a whole day without holding your hand, or kissing those gorgeous lips of yours, or-"

Carlos silenced him with a kiss, soft and short, "The same way we deal when I'm at school and you're at work."

"Yea but at least then I can talk about how adorable you are to my coworkers and send you flirty texts."

"It's only for today. You'll last and maybe tonight we can make up for the lost time?"

"I like that idea," Logan whispered leaning in for one last kiss.

"Why must I always walk in on you two kissing? Do you ever stop?"

Carlos and Logan pulled apart laughing as they turned towards their blond best friend who stood in the doorway.

"Maybe you should learn how to knock," Logan chuckled as he made his way over to the dresser to choose an outfit for the day.

"Well, you're just lucky it was just me," Kendall shook his head. "Are you ever going to tell our Mothers?"

Carlos and Logan both looked to each other, the smaller of the two shaking his head profusely.

"Carlos, we can't keep sneaking around like this," Logan reasoned.

"No! I'm not going through that again!"

"That was your Dad. You know your mom didn't want you to leave. You are all she has left now and you know," Kendall pointed out, "She cried for weeks when you left the last time."

"She's your mom. She'll understand."

"And my mom, kind of already knows," Kendall cringed receiving a death glare from the Latino. "You know she's cool with it! She totally saw it coming! She knew all about Logie Bears little obsession with you," this time it was Logan's time to glare at him.

Logan pulled Carlos into his arms, pecking his lips, "Carlos, I know this is hard for you, but what ever you decide. We are behind you, one hundred percent. Right, Ken Dork?"

"You got it Logie Dick!"

Carlos looked to both of them, unsure of what to say.

"What if she hates us?" he said quietly. "What if she blames me for turning Logan gay?"

"She won't blame you, Carlos. I've loved you even before I found out about you two."

"Really?" Carlos asked, surprised by this news. He always knew Logan had a thing for him, but he thought it wasn't until after they found about him and James.

"And even I knew he was gay before he even left for college," Kendall laughed.

"You did?"

"We sort of… maybe… might have… experimented a little bit… together… In junior high," Kendall cringed.

"You two dated in junior high?"

"More like fooled around," Logan admitted.

"Logan here developed a little crush on someone," Kendall directed his attention to Carlos, "Though I didn't know who until after you ran off with prince charming."

"Anyway, I was a bit confused over everything and Kendall- helped me figure things out."

"You two slept together in junior high?" Carlos asked with wide eyes.

"No!" they both answered together.

"Dude, we were like thirteen!" Kendall corrected him. "We just kissed. And stuff."

"So you kissed Logan and you still managed to turn out straight?"

Kendall shrugged, "I prefer the term bi," he sent Carlos a wink. "Like I said, I did fool around with Logan for about a year. I just happened to fall in love with a women."

"For a year? A whole year and we didn't know?"

"What about you two? How did you two manage not to get caught- or better yet, how did you?" Kendall asked.

Carlos groaned thinking back, "It was my fault. He was always so careful when my parents were home, or around anyone really. We were setting up in the family room, waiting for you guys and I jumped on his back and pinned him to the couch and kissed him," he explained as he finished buttoning up his shirt. "We didn't hear Dad coming down the stairs until it was too late."

"I'm sorry," Logan hugged him but Carlos just shook his head with a smile.

"Don't be. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. I got to spend six amazing years with him."

Logan and Kendall both smiled as Logan picked up his clothes ready to enter the bathroom.

"So can we tell her or not? It's up to you, Baby," Kendall teased, kissing the Latino's cheek bringing the fun back into the atmosphere as Carlos smacked his arm and Logan gave him the "I'm watching you" sign.

"You think she's going to be upset that the all mighty Doctor Logan is gay?" Carlos asked.

"Do you think I give a fuck?"

"Well there's still hope for Kendall!" Carlos laughed, patting his best friend on the back.

"Been there, done that, remember?" Kendall winked. "I'm happily in love with Jo."

"Awe, Carlos, our best friend is in love with a girl," Logan teased, earning him a sharp glance from his boyfriend. "Well I'm just going to jump in the shower. I'll meet you down stairs."

"But if we go down there, they are going to make us help them!" Kendall complained.

"Just go, Ken Dork," Carlos laughed shooing him out the door before turning to his boyfriend. "Wow, so you and Kendall? And you didn't tell me? How the hell did that happen?" he said wrapping his arms around Logan's waist before pecking his lips.

"It was a long time ago and he made me swear to never tell anyone just like I made him promise that he would never tell anyone that I was in love with you."

"Hate to break it to you, but your secrets out."

"Is it now?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"So kissing- and stuff?" Carlos quoted their blond best friend making Logan cringed. "Care to elaborate?"

"Not particularly."

"Did you blow him?"

"Carlos!"

"Oh! You did! Didn't you?" Carlos could see the answer in his reaction, "Did he blow you too?"

"Carlos! We need to get ready so we can go down stairs."

"Was he any good?"

"I'm not answering you!" Logan began to walk back towards the bathroom, but the Latino was on his tail still firing off questions.

"Wait! Just one more!" he pleaded.

"What?"

"Do you think he would top or bottom?"

"Carlos," Logan pleaded, but he knew the Latino wouldn't quit until he had an answer. Rolling his eyes, Logan leaned against the doorframe, "Kendall's a top," he mumbled.

"I knew it! Wait a minute! How would you know?" Carlos asked surprised at this news. "You said you never slept together in junior high!"

Logan cringed, "We didn't in junior high," he admitted. "But after you two left. It was just a couple times, I promise. It never meant anything. You're not mad are you?

"So you're telling me that you bottomed with Kendall?"

Logan nodded, finally looking back up, "Usually."

"That's awesome!" Carlos said excitedly. "How about tonight I take the reigns then?"

"Wait, you want to-?"

"Yea! I've never been. I just want to see how it feels. That's if it's alright with you?"

"Totally!" Logan smiled, "I kind of miss being fucked into the mattress," he chuckled. "Now go on downstairs and help your mom. I'll be out soon then we can talk to her about us together. Alright?"

Carlos nodded before releasing him and bouncing out the door.

"Mom!" Carlos greeted as he made his way into the kitchen to find his Mother sitting at the kitchen table, peeling potatoes while Kendall sat across from her chopping up carrots.

"Morning Carlos. How are you?" she asked setting the knife aside as he hugged her. She waited until he pulled away before she resumed her task.

"Great. Logan's in the shower. He'll be down soon. Anything I can help with?" he asked bouncing his way over to the sink where Jennifer was washing out a couple of pans and handing them to Katie to dry. He hugged the Knight women before turning back to his mother for her answer.

Sylvia looked around. She pretty much had everything under control, but she knew Carlos wouldn't take no for an answer, "Would you mind filling that pot up with water then go out to the trunk of my car. There's a box of china in there that I thought we could use for dinner. It's my good china so be very careful."

"No problem," Carlos smiled. He completed his tasks with ease, whistling as he did so. Just as he finished setting the dinning room table, Logan waltz into the room, showered, dressed and ready for the day.

"Hey Baby," his lover whispered as he snuck up behind Carlos who was neatly arranging the last of the silverware. "Sorry it took me so long. I was taking care of a little problem," he said softly into his best friend's ear as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist.

"Not here, Logan," Carlos insisted, shrugging him off. "Mom's in the kitchen."

"She can't see us from here," Logan argued, kissing the side of his head.

"Logan!" the sudden sound of Sylvia's voice made Logan dropped his grip and he jumped back. "Is that you sweetie?"

"Yea, Mrs. Garcia. Be right in," he called out to her. "I can't wait for tonight," Logan whispered once more, slapping his boyfriend's ass before walking into the kitchen, his arms opened wide as he approached his secret lover's mother who was standing over the stove, mixing gravy. "How you holding up, Mrs. Garcia?"

"I'm fine," Sylvia smiled back at him. "Some days are harder than others. At least I still have you three boys."

"Logan!" Katie exclaimed coming out of nowhere to hug him before handing over a dishrag, "Your turn," before disappearing out of the kitchen.

He joined Mrs. Knight at the sink, kissing her cheek as he did so, "I'm sorry your parents couldn't make it."

Logan shrugged, "I invited them, but they mentioned they had already planned a trip to Florida months ago," he knew it was a lie, but he didn't care. He had his real family with him. That was all that mattered.

The joined family continued on through the day, catching up with one another from all the times they were apart before sitting down and enjoying a lovely meal they worked together to prepare. It was as if nothing had ever come between nor that two of the members were no longer present. It wasn't until after dinner while Sylvia was out in the kitchen preparing their dessert that Logan began to get a bit frisky with his smaller lover.

Carlos was in the middle of an argument with Kendall about Yankees being the better team rather than Red Sox, when he felt something creeping up his thigh. He shot a quick glance at his lover, eyeing him to knock it off, before turning back to Kendall. Kendall was in the midst of comparing the team's pitchers, when Carlos jumped suddenly as something brushed against his crouch.

"You alright Carlos?" the blond asked from across the table.

Carlos just nodded, afraid that if he opened his mouth a moan would spring forth, due to Logan's persistent rubbing of his upper thigh. The Latino shot a glare at his lover, pushing Logan's hand away in the process before turning back to his best friend who had now switched the topic to football.

"There is no way Giants are better than Dallas!" Carlos argued, slamming his fist against the table, only to shiver as he felt Logan's hand move farther North where the doctor began to lightly palm the smaller lover. Carlos closed his eyes, trying to wield away the sudden tightening in his pants but it was no use. He was relieved when his Mother returned with the pies in hand, and Logan quickly jerked his hand away, placing it in his own lap as Mrs. Garcia sat down.

"Mmm, Mrs. Garcia, these look delicious," Logan smiled as he reached for his piece of Chocolate Cream, carrying on as if nothing had happened.

Carlos sent his lover another death glare, Logan returning it with an evil smirk. Taking a piece of his Apple Pie that his Mother had prepared especially for him, Carlos winced when he felt Logan's hand on his thigh once more. The tightening in his pants only increased, making it impossible for him to sit still.

"You alright, Honey?" Sylvia asked, eyeing her son. "You look a bit antsy."

"Just excited for the pies is all," Carlos smiled, trying his best to sit still as his hands shook while he tried to cut a piece of the pie. It was then that he had his brilliant idea. Placing his slice onto his plate, Carlos pulled the plate back quickly, allowing it spill, not just over him, but his boyfriend as well.

"What the hell Carlos?" Logan exclaimed jumping back out of his chair, dropping his own pie on top of himself as well.

Carlos jumped up beside him, grapping his napkin in the process to pretend to wipe it off his lap, when in all reality, he was hiding the bulge that had made itself present. Jennifer and Sylvia quickly jumped to their feet in order to help the kids clean up, while the Kendall sat back laughing at the idiocy of his best friends.

"Don't worry about the floor. I'll clean it up. You two just run along and change into something clean. You should probably get that chocolate out of your shirt as soon as possible, Logan before it stains."

Both boys nodded in approval before rushing for the stairs. No sooner did they enter their room, and close the door behind them, Carlos had Logan pressed against the wall.

"Don't you every tease me like that in front of my Mother again," he growled into his lover's ear, making sure to press his clothed erecting into his boyfriend's crotch. Logan moaned as he felt his pants instantly tightened.

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it," Logan grinned, pushing his own hips back into Carlos', causing both boys to shiver from the friction.

"I want you! I want to fuck you! Right now!" Carlos whispered into the older boy's ear, blowing on the shell, causing Logan's knees to go weak.

"B-but your Mom and-"

"Will think we took showers!" he grinned. "You will go first, then me. At least that's what they will think. I'll fuck you now, then we'll clean up in the shower together and you will walk down the stairs first, and I'll wait a few before I go down. They'll never know the difference."

"I like the way you think," Logan grinned reaching behind him to lock the door before smashing his lips against his lover's as he slowly guiding him backwards until they collapsed onto the bed.

It didn't take long for Carlos to become dominate as he flipped them over, now being the one on top as he straddled his boyfriend's waist, "Where's the lube?" he asked sitting up and looking around.

"There's no time. Just take me," Logan said breathlessly, thrusting his hips up into his best friend's.

"But Logan, you haven't bottomed in, I don't know how long. You need to be prep…"

"I told you I missed being a bottom, remember. I have other means to please myself," he grinned, winking at Carlos hoping he caught on.

It took a moment, but Carlos' face lit up as he it hit him, "You have toys and you haven't shared?" he smirked as he began unbuttoning Logan's soiled shirt, tossing it aside before he got to work on his own.

"You never asked," Logan winked back.

It wasn't long for both boys to find themselves completely naked with Carlos thrusting himself into the brunette's tight hit. It was all so new to him. He had never experience such a sensation in his life, other than the occasional blowjob. He was always the one being fucked.

Logan's hole was so tight and warm. It didn't take long before Carlos felt the familiar tightening in his stomach. Calling out his lover's name as quietly as he could, he came inside him. Milking himself to the very end before collapsing on top of his lover.

Finally catching his breath, Carlos rolled off, still panting as he looked over at Logan who began jerking himself off.

"You didn't cum? Am I that bad?" Carlos asked afraid of his first time.

Logan simply chuckled, shaking his head, "N-no Baby. I just have more stamina than you," he explained, as his movement grew wilder.

Carlos smiled down at him before placing a soft kiss to his lips before stopping his lover's hand, "Let's get in the shower and I'll take care of that for you."

Logan nodded enthusiastically before following his lover to the bathroom.

Carlos was the first to emerge into the living room where his Mother and best friend sat waiting. The room was quiet and eerie as he saw his mother sitting on the couch, her arms folded over her chest, and her lips pursed together. She didn't even seem to notice Carlos standing in the doorway. He looked across the room where Kendall sat, his head in his hands as he shook it from time to time, muttering under his breath. Noticing his best friend's presence, he mouthed a silent apology before returning his head into his hands.

"Is something wrong?" Carlos asked completely confused.

Without even looking at him, Sylvia spoke, "Carlos, sit!" Carlos obeyed immediately, taking a seat beside his best friend. "Where's Logan?"

"He's in the shower," Carlos answered. "Where are Mama Knight and Katie?"

"They left."

Carlos quickly turned to his best friend silently asking him what happened. Before Kendall could answer, an overly joyful Logan came bounding into the room.

"Hey what's everyone- up -to?" his smile quickly faded as he noticed everyone's demeanor.

"Come join us, Logan," Sylvia spoke, throwing her arms in the air. She waited until Logan was sitting beside his secret lover, and for him to give both his best friends a look as to ask what was up. He knew this tone of his Carlos' mother. It was something they got when they were younger and about to be punished.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

"You tell me," she said sternly, gazing back and forth between the brunette and raven-haired men.

It was quiet for a moment. When no one spoke, Sylvia took it upon herself to continue, "Do either of you want to explain how, after everything that has happened to this family in the last six years, and how we are finally back together, that you two could go behind my back and engage in the same obscene activities that forced this family apart to begin with?"

Silence again as Carlos and Logan glanced at one another trying to figure out an explanation of how she could know. Realization of what Kendall was apologizing for finally dawned on Carlos and he turned to his best friend.

"You told her?" he gasped.

"She knew! She's the one who asked me!" Kendall reasoned. "I tried to lie, but it didn't help with all that banging around that you two were doing upstairs! You couldn't wait another hour for us to leave?"

"See I told you she wouldn't understand," Carlos stood up as he turned on Logan. "You were all like… let's tell her, and I was like… no! and see! I was right!"

"Carlos, sit!" his Mother demanded, Carlos obeying instantly. "Look. There's no reason to lay blame on anyone. What's done is done."

"Wait, you're not mad?" Logan asked confused.

Sylvia shook her head, "Oh I'm furious. Like your Father, I do not condoned such inappropriate activities," the three best friends held their breath waiting for what was to come. "Unlike your Father, however, I refuse to let it tear us apart again. Is that clear?"

Carlos stared wide-eyed at his Mother, both grateful and hurt by her words.

"My only request is that you keep this… thing you two have to yourselves. Especially when I'm around. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," both Carlos and Logan nodded together.

**Author Note:** I love the fun loving Kendall in this! I wanted him to be completely straight, but oh well, had to add some Kogan for a little twist. WTH! Anyway... two more chapter! Big ending coming! Will Logan realize his true feelings for Kendall? Will Sylvia find a way to tear the two boys apart? Will tragedy strike twice? Will Kendall join in on the fun? Tune in next time!

Now im to work on **Undercover Prince**! because im supposed to be working on **the Clique**, but i'm a total failure and I've got nothing! So keep an eye out for an update for **Undercover Prince** ;)


	11. The Ghost Returns

**Author Note: **Thank you for reading/reviewing/following/favoriting! Now for the Epic Surprise twist!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 11: the Ghost Returns**

The extended family all gathered around the beautifully decorated tree. It had been too long since they shared such an environment. The fire crackled in the fireplace as Kendall threw on another log, causing it to glow more brightly, giving the room a warm serene feeling. The cookies they had made earlier were baking in the oven, filling the house with the fresh smell of gingerbread and sugar cookies.

"Alright so," Mama Knight rubbed her hands together as she took a seat in one of the oversized chair. "Where to begin?"

The three best friends looked around at each other. They never missed a Christmas together. They were trying as hard as possible to keep the same tradition that they had as kids, but this tradition couldn't be saved. The missing musketeer was the one who always handed out the gifts.

"I think Logan should hand out the gifts," Kendall spoke up.

"Me?" Logan questioned. "Why me?"

"Because the three of us are going to be too busy opening them," Katie answered matter-of-factly.

"And Mama Knight's video taping while Mom's taking pictures," Carlos added with a grin refraining from kissing his boyfriend on the cheek in his mother's presence. He loved having her around again and he didn't want to ruin it, especially on Christmas.

Logan rolled his eyes, "Alright then," he said moving from his spot next to Carlos to sit in the empty chair beside the tree. He picked up the first package, recognizing it instantly, "This is for Katie from Carlos and I," he said handing the large long box over to his best friend's little sister.

Katie's face lit up the instant she saw the wrapping. There was no mistaking what was inside as she tore open the wrapping to reveal a large leather case.

"You bought me a laptop! Yes! I love- wait-" she paused as she opened up the case. "Where's the laptop?"

Both Logan and Carlos smirked as they shrugged their shoulders," Sorry, Katie," Carlos ruffled her hair. "Couldn't afford the laptop. Maybe for your birthday?"

Katie sighed as she placed her gift to the side waiting for the next. Logan continued to pass out more gifts: the necklace Kendall had bought his Mother, the vintage video game collection Sylvia had given Carlos, a new brief case that Logan had received from Carlos. It was a perfect family holiday. Everyone was laughing, smiling, and just loving the atmosphere. It was picture perfect!

"Say cheese!" Sylvia smiled as she held up the camera snapping a picture of the three boys and Katie sitting together in front of the tree. When the flash went off and their eyes had readjusted, they moved back to their places to resume handing out gifts.

"Here's another one for Katie," Logan said handing her a small rectangular box from Kendall.

The boys smiled as they watched Katie's eyes grow wide. As if afraid to assume too much too soon, the youngest slowly began opening the package to find nothing, but a plain cardboard box staring back at her. Letting out the breath she didn't know she was holding, she took the scissors that Logan was holding out to her to slice open the package. When the box was opened and the plastic bubble wrap was removed, Katie squealed with excitement as the sight of the shinny new MacBook starring up at her.

"Ahh! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You Thank You!" she shouted as she jumped up hugging her brother before she sat down and began removing it from its box. "You lied to me," she finally concluded as she glared at Logan and Carlos.

"Didn't want to ruin the surprise," Carlos shrugged removing the empty box and replacing it with the case.

"Logan can you help me set it up?"

"Sure," Logan smiled jumping at the idea of anything that had to do with technology. In fact, Kendall had all he could do to keep the nerd away from the laptop the entire week he had been staying with them. Logan had tried to make up excuses to get a hold of it such as, 'setting it up for her', or 'downloading the latest version of this program for her', or 'adding this firewall for extra protection', but Kendall had locked it up in the spare room and wouldn't let him near it.

"Better watch it Katie or he's going to steal it from you," the blond warned.

"I will not," Logan replied.

"He totally would," Carlos agreed.

"Nerd," Kendall whispered receiving a punch to his arm by the brunette. The blond retaliated by smacking Logan upside the head before taking off across the living room, the brunette hot on his tail. Katie and Carlos both looked at each other, shaking their heads, rolling their eyes as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Carlos said happily as he rushed from his spot on the floor where he was surrounded by the tower of gifts to answer the door. "Don't let them kill each other while I'm gone," he called back.

"Hurry up then!" Kendall called back from the kitchen where he held Logan in a headlock.

Carlos was full of laughter as he swung the door opened. His face dropping immediately as a ghost appeared once again before him.

"Carlos," the ghost spoke softly, his hand slowly reaching towards him.

"No, no, no!" Carlos shouted as he backed away from the door, his face pale white from fear. He hit the wall behind him only to drop to his knees in a sobbing mess, "No! Go away! You're not real! You're not real!" he whimpered.

"Carlos, it's me," the ghost pleaded, stepping into the house cautiously and slowly advancing on Carlos. Carlos retreated into a ball, shaking his head, as his sobs grew worst.

"Go away! Please just go away! You're not real! I'm just seeing things," Carlos continued to whimper. "You were just an hallucination. You're not real."

"Carlos, please, listen to me," the ghost continued to plead with him as he knelt down before the trembling mess, "It's me. I'm here. I'm back!"

"No! You're not real! **You're dead**!" Carlos shouted causing his family in the next room over to hear him, Logan instantly running to his protection.

As soon as Logan rounded the corner and saw his best friend, he called out to him.

The ghost turned his head to the familiar voice and smiled as he locked eyes with chocolate, "Logan!" he grinned wide.

Logan stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth a gap. He stared in disbelieve at the sight before him.

Carlos watched silently at the exchange between his boyfriend and the ghost, "Y-you see him too?" he asked his lover, uncurling from his ball.

"Carlos, it's really me. I'm not dead," the ghost insisted holding out a hand to the smaller boy.

Shakily, Carlos reached his own hand out, gasping as he touched flesh, "James?" he questioned softly, his eyes filling with tears once more as James' hand closed around his. "James!" he repeated himself much louder as he threw himself into the arms of his long lost love. "You're alive!" he cried into his lover's shoulder.

"I told you I would come back for you, Baby," James whispered into Carlos' ear as he himself felt the tears begin to pour from his eyes.

"What in the world?" Sylvia asked as she rounded the corner and into the small hall, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of not two, but three boys. Logan stood back against the wall, his hands in his pocket with his eyes cast down at his shuffling feet while James and Carlos were teary eyed and holding on to one another like their lives depended on it.

"Mrs. Garica?" James asked not even bothering to hide the surprise in his voice as he looked up to see her standing there, her eyes wide and her hands covering her mouth as a tear scrolled down her face. His expression was much different when a second woman joined the group, "Mama Knight!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the redheaded women.

As soon as he let her go, he was tackled unexpectedly from the side by Kendall, "I swear to god if you ever do anything like that to us again, I will kill you myself," the blond threatened, his eyes watering before pulling the brunette in for another hug.

"I missed you too, Kendall," James had tears in his own eyes.

He pulled away, grabbing a hold of Carlos again, as he brought him to his chest, kissing his hair. The only sound being that of Carlos' sniffles as his tears streamed freely down his cheeks, a smile never leaving his face.

With Carlos still clinging tightly to him, and one arm wrapped around the smaller man, James approached the middle-aged Latina women with a smile and his free arm opened wide. She didn't hesitate to throw her arms around the two boys.

"I'm so happy you're alive," she cried out into his shoulder as the tears broke free.

"I missed you, too, Mama Garcia," he whispered back, kissing the top of her hair before she pulled away.

"Aren't you mad at me?" she asked, dabbing her wet eyes with the sleeve of her red sweater.

James shook his head, "How can I be mad at you? You tried to stick up for us. It's not like you're Mr. Garcia," he said slightly nervous, looking around making sure the old man wasn't around to hear. Everyone went silent, looking away in different directions, none of them wanting to be the one to speak the truth.

"What the hell is taken so long?" Katie called out as she joined them in the front entrance. "My laptop isn't going to boot itself!"

"Katie?" James called out excitedly, breaking free from Carlos' grasp only to link their hands together and pull him over to their best friend's baby sister. "Oh my God she got so big!" James squealed, pulling the youngest Knight into a tight hug.

Katie struggled to break free, pushing away angrily as she looked up at the older man, "Who the hell are you?"

"What, you don't recognize your big brothers favorite best friend?" James asked.

"Whoa! Who said you are the favorite?" Carlos teased.

"James?" Katie finally caught on taking a closer look at him. "But you're dead!"

"I get that a lot lately," James nodded, "But I'm hear talking to you aren't I, so unless you're dead too, I guess I'm alive! Unless you have some sort of weird sixth sense thing going on. You don't have that right?"

"Wow it really is you!" Katie yelled jumping into his arms. "Where have you been? What happened? Everyone thought you died!"

"Whoa! Too many questions at once. We'll discuss all this later. So where's everyone else? Mr. and Mrs. Logie Bear? Brooke Diamond? Officer Garcia? I think it's about time for a little family reunion. They all can't still possibly be hating on me after I've died and come back from the grave, can they?" He looked around at the sunken faces at the mention of the Officer, "Did I say something wrong?" he asked confused.

"James," Carlos's voice was soft. "Daddy had a heart attack."

James' face fell instantly, "Is he alright?" he asked, afraid he already knew the answer.

Carlos shook his head, "He didn't make it James."

James was silent for a moment, "When?"

"You're birthday," Carlos answered as James' back found the nearest wall. He slid down it until he was sitting on the floor, Carlos following his descent. "I talked to him, before he- and he said he loved us, James. Both of us and that he was sorry for what he did."

James nodded. This was so not the Christmas present he had expected. Feeling Carlos' head, rest against his shoulder pulled him out of his trance. He refused to let this interfere with his long awaited reunion with his lover, "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I shouldn't have been here for you."

"James, it's not your fault."

James shook his head. He didn't want to have this discussion right now. It wasn't the time or the place. "So what else have I missed, Carlos? You look amazing, by the way," he said brushing away the topic.

Carlos smiled, "So much, James. I finally finished high school and I'm going to college now. As you can see we moved into our dream home," he said looking around at the hall they were all still gathered in. "And Logan even moved in to take care of me," he grinned looking up at his best friend only to find the wall he was standing against. "Logan?" he asked looking around, the rest of the family doing the same. It was the sound of the car outside that brought everyone's attention to the front door. Releasing his hold on James for the first time, Carlos rushed outside, bare footed, into the snow, calling out Logan's name as he pulled out of the driveway.

Logan watched the scene behind him through his rearview mirror as James rushed out of the house, scooping Carlos up into his arms as the smaller boy called out his name. Unsure of what to do, where he was going, or why he was leaving, Logan kept on driving. He was more than ecstatic that his thought to be deceased best friend was alive and well, though part of him felt like his world was coming to an end.

**Author Note: **Didn't see that one coming did ya? :) Drama! One more chapter left! Any thoughts of how it will end? Who will Carlos choose?


	12. I Want To Be With You

**Author Note:** For those of you confused... James is really back! He's not really dead and he's not a ghost! He'll explain everything in this chapter, which is the last chapter!

Yay! I hope you like it!

**Chapter 12: I Want To Be With You**

"I still can't believe how amazing you look," James smiled across the kitchen table at Carlos who was sipping on hot chocolate. They had been sitting there for almost an hour now, mostly in silence. Everyone had left shortly after Logan did, insisting they needed some time to catch up. Logan hadn't returned nor was he answering his cell.

Carlos looked up from his mug, eyeing James. He had this weird feeling as he watched the taller boy take a bite of the gingerbread cookie he had taken from the platter between them. HE didn't know why, but something wasn't right. He felt like James was keeping something from him.

"You look- different too," he said unsure of how else to respond. He couldn't say amazing. He would be lying. James was more- scruffy, if he had to choose a word to describe him. He looked like he hadn't shaven in a few weeks now. His hair was long and messy and appeared greasy rather than the sleek shine it usually shone. His voice was a bit raspy when he spoke, and his eyes couldn't hold still for more than a few second, except when he was starring at Carlos.

"Are you alright?" James asked noticing the tension in Carlos.

Carlos nodded, "Just tired I guess and I'm worried about Logan. He left so fast and he always answers my calls."

"I'm sure Logan's fine. He's probably just giving us some space to catch up. Why don't we go to bed? Get some rest?"

Carlos nodded, standing up. James walked around to his side of the table and grabbed his hand, before allowing Carlos to lead the way up the stairs. On the way up, James looked around the house that was so strange to him, "You did a nice job decorating."

"Thanks, but Logan did most of the work."

"Which room is his?"

Carlos tensed for a moment. He wasn't about to lie, "We share a room." He could feel James' grip tighten around his at this information. "When you left, I couldn't bare to be alone and he was afraid of leaving me alone. I wasn't strong enough, James. Not as strong as I am now."

James nodded in understanding as Carlos pushed opened the door to the master suite. Carlos smiled as Logan's sweet aroma filled his nostrils. He loved that smell. The room was exactly the way they left it this morning. Their pajamas were thrown carelessly around the room from their morning activities. Logan's dresser was over flowing with clothes from him rushing to get dressed when their guest arrived earlier than usual, taken both boys by surprised. The bathroom was a mess having no time to clean up before they rushed downstairs to help prepare dinner. It looked as if nothing had changed, yet to Carlos, everything had.

James didn't waste any time kicking off his shoes and discarded his clothing, all but his boxers. He sauntered his way over to the closet, expecting to find his clothes, only to be met by an assortment of Carlos' and Logan's.

"Where are my clothes?" he asked Carlos, softly, trying to hide the anger that was slowly boiling inside him.

"In the attic. You can borrow something of Logan's for the night until we get your clothes down and cleaned up."

James shook his head, "I'll sleep like this," he insisted.

Carlos nodded before slowly undressing himself. James was already crawling into bed by the time Carlos was pulling on an oversized tee shirt of Logan's that the older man had worn to bed the previous night. Hesitantly, Carlos made his way over to the large bed, and crawled in beside James as the taller man instantly wrapped his arms around him. Carlos snuggled into his bare chest, yet couldn't seem to make himself comfortable. Instead, he found himself turning his back to James, only to have the brunette press his stomach against his back.

"I've missed this, Baby," James whispered into Carlos' ear, "I missed you more than you could ever know."

Carlos jumped slightly as he felt James' scratchy lips find his collarbone. He closed his eyes trying to relax and enjoy the feeling. It didn't take long for James to be straddling Carlos as he lay on his back, the taller man's lips moving swiftly against the smaller man's. Feeling something wet lick his bottom lip, Carlos opened his mouth out of reaction, allowing James entrance. He battled for a moment with the intruding muscle, but something still felt off. It didn't feel right.

Giving up, Carlos pushed James away, turning his head so he wouldn't have to look the other boy in his eyes, "I'm sorry, James. I can't. I tried, but I just can't"

"What's a matter, Baby?" James asked noticing the tears filling Carlos' eyes.

"Where were you James? Why did it take you so long to come back to me?"

"Not now, Baby. I promise I'll explain everything later."

"It doesn't make sense! The reports said the plane caught fire and went down into shark-infested waters. There were no survivors! How is it that you of all people managed to come home? How did you come home? And why didn't you call us to tell us you were alive?"

James sighed, running his fingers through his greasy locks as he crawled off of Carlos, and sat up against the headboard beside him. Carlos sat up too, starring at him. Forcing an explanation out of him. It was a few moments before James finally spoke.

"I wasn't on the plane, Carlos. I never made it to the plane."

"What?" Carlos gasped, not believing what he was hearing. "Then where were you this whole time?"

James rubbed his face in his hands. It was obvious he didn't want to continue, but he knew he owed it to Carlos, "I had a photo shoot before the flight and it ran over schedule. Then on the way to the airport, the cab got stuck in traffic. By the time I got to the airport the plane was already boarding and I still had to get through security.

"I was so frustrated and in a hurry to get back to you that I started yelling at the security that was checking my bags and all. I called them slow fucking idiots and told them this was pointless. 'its not like I have a bomb or anything' I said.

"That was the stupidest thing I could of ever said too. They pulled me into the security office and held me there until I calmed down. They scheduled me for the next flight back to the States and they were ready to release me when the news about the crash came in.

"Because of my stupid bomb statement, they held me as a terrorist. They sent me to prison with no trial while the crash was being investigated. Because of the fear that I could be a terrorist, they wouldn't allow me any outside communications.

"I tried to get them to at least let me call you, but they wouldn't budge. It wasn't until the investigation was complete and they ruled it as an electrical fire that they finally let me go. Though I was banned from all air flights and lost my passport. I had to take a fishing boat back here and here I am."

Carlos studied him for a moment after he was finished. He couldn't believe what he was hearing or what to think. No wonder James felt so different to him. He went through so much.

Carlos decided to go with his first reaction. Before James could react, Carlos was hitting him repeatedly with the pillow as hard as he could.

"You idiot! For months I cried over you because I thought you were dead and all this because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut! Do you know how sick I was from all that crying? If it wasn't for Logan, you probably would be visiting my grave right now! How dare you even come back to me after all this! I loved you, James! I didn't think I could live on with out you! All this over a stupid bomb joke!"

Carlos was in tears again by the time the pillow broke open, spilling its contents all over James and the bed as the smaller boy fell into James' arms.

James didn't know what to do except to hold onto the boy as he cried. He knew he made the biggest mistake of his life that caused him not only almost a year of his life, but now, the love of his life. Even through the anger and tears, he never failed to miss what Carlos had said. He said he 'loved' him and that he 'thought' he couldn't live without him. He knew it was over. There was no going back.

He waited until the smaller man cried himself to sleep before letting him go and crawling out of bed. After recovering his discarded clothing, he dressed and made his way down the stairs. He heard the front door squeak as it opened and closed, a depressed looking Logan making his way in. The smaller brunette stopped when he saw James at the foot of the stairs.

"James?" he questioned as he watched him reaching for his coat that hung beside the door. "Where are you going?"

James shook his head, "I don't belong here, Logan. Not anymore."

Logan eyed him curiously. James paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before letting his confessions pour out.

"He couldn't stop talking about you all night. Every time he mentioned your name, his eyes lit up. He was worried sick about you too. Afraid you were hurt or wouldn't come home. He barely looked at me all night and when he did, it was as if I was a stranger. I don't know what happened between you two while I was gone, but it doesn't take a genius to see he doesn't need me any more. You're the one he wants."

James could see Logan's eyes light up at this statement. He knew then that Logan felt the same way. He always knew he felt that way about Carlos.

"But what about y-?"

"I won't be far," James smiled. "I'll find a hotel for the night and look for an apartment in the morning. I'm not going to leave him again. I'm just- stepping aside. Perhaps over time we can be best friends again."

Logan nodded again. A part of him wanted to protest. Tell James to stay and work things out with Carlos, but if what James said was true, then maybe that would just ruin any chance he himself ever had with Carlos. Instead, he nodded his head, curtly, and said, "Thanks, James."

James smiled, "Take care of him. For me?"

"Always," Logan agreed before pulling him into a hug, "Don't ever leave us like that again. You hear me?" James nodded, trying his hardest to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. "We love you James," he whispered into his best friend's hair.

"I love you both too, Logan."

James looked behind Logan to the top of the stairs where a lone figure stood watching the scene below. James smiled up at it him, before turning and walking out the door.

Carlos stood at the top of the stairs watching as James left again. This time he didn't bother running after him. He didn't beg him to stay. He let him go. He watched as Logan stared at the closed door for a moment before turning to head up to the second floor. It was then that he caught a hold of Carlos.

Carlos wasted no time, running down the stairs and leaping into Logan's arms. The two embraced each other in tears of silence for quite some time until Logan pulled away. He wiped away Carlos's tears with the pads of his thumbs before whispering softly.

"I'm sorry, Carlos. I couldn't force him to stay."

Carlos just shook his head, "Don't be, Logan. I thought you left me."

"But don't you want-"

"All I want is to be with you. I love you, Logan. More than anything or anyone in this world."

"I love you too, Carlos. I love you too!"

**Author Note: **That's it! Happy Cargan! I know not everyone got a happy ending, but this is a tragedy. If you want you can image there's an epilogue where James and Kendall fall in love or something and everyone lives happily ever after. :)

I hope all your questions were answered. You found out where James has been and why. Carlos didn't need to make his choice, it was obvious and at least James isn't going anywhere. He's still going to stick around and be Carlos' bestie! :)

Thank you everyone for your amazing comments and for taking the time to read/follow/ and favorite. I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I hope you stick around and read my other fics that are still in progress, **World's Apart** (Kogan/Jarlos), **The Clique** (Kenlos/Jagan, sci-fi) and **Undercover Prince **(Jagan/Kenlos).

Thanks again!

~Luna~


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